Here’s a brief gardening analogy I will use to introduce what I’m about to share with my readers.
If we recognize that positively focused people are like fertilizer and rain that helps us blossom and grow in our own lives. And, we also recognize it’s not wise to pull every weed out of our gardens because they provide vital trace elements for growth, then we can likewise choose to summon up enough empathy to become the sun and fertilizer in the lives of negatively focused people. Granted we may limit our time with them, but everyone we meet is our mirror, and if we want love to be reflected back to us then we need to be the light of love in their world.
This post is inspired by Here Comes the Sun published by my friend Nancy, who I love dearly. It’s dedicated to all those who have met their ugly other and learned to love her/him because until we do that we are not in a position to love so-called “difficult” people. Please read Nancy’s post before you return to read the rest of mine.
Polar opposites and attraction
Humans learn equally well from both positive and negative experiences. Yet everywhere we look online we find publications telling us it’s okay to reject negative people and hang out with only the positive ones. It’s presented as self protection in the context that being with negatively focused people can incline us to become the same, and by implication that if we truly love ourselves we ought to spend our time with folks who mirror back positivity.
If we choose to adopt that mentality then we reject the fact that it’s the ego that is blind to suffering and quick to judge and reject. Labeling negatively focused (suffering) people as “difficult’ and characterizing interaction with them as “toxic experiences” is the pronouncement of an ego driven person who has yet to experience becoming conscious.
So, how does one deal with negative people?
One obvious solution is to walk away from them. … A more practical approach to dealing with them is to start by understanding the reasons for their negativity. In brief, almost all negativity has its roots in one of three deep-seated fears: the fear of being disrespected by others, the fear of not being loved by others, and the fear that “bad things” are going to happen. These fears feed off each other to fuel the belief that “the world is a dangerous place and people are generally mean.” — Dealing with Negative People
Dealing with Others’ Negativity Involves Dealing with Your Own
It’s easy to do charity work. It’s uplifting to be able to help the needy and be rewarded with their thanks and smiles. It’s hard to work with the despondent who are bereft of happiness and it’s not rewarding to see the sorrow on their faces. But I choose to do both because it benefits both me and others.
Limiting time spent exploring my own negativity is sensible and sane, as is limiting time spent with negative people. But rejecting negative thoughts and abandoning people who are suffering means giving away my power to make a positive impact in their lives and in mine. For rejection and abandonment aren’t demonstration of my intelligence or of the fact that I have become conscious. At least they are a demonstration of ignorance and arrogance. At worst they are a denial that love conquers all.
We are all difficult people and love is all we need
Trying to distinguish my self from others by differentiating degrees of discomfort in relationships is an ego driven cop-out. It led to an attitude of superiority manifested in presumptions or assumptions that locked me into spiritual infancy.
Love is the antidote for all that ails humankind. Conscious people know their role is to rise above any and all challenges by seizing opportunities to manifest love in a harsh and unloving world in difficult times.
Growing stronger day by day
I have survived many negative experiences and traumas (some so unspeakable that I will never share them here). I have been abused by negatively focused (suffering) people and that abuse brought great physical, psychological and emotional harm to me. However, paradoxically being victimized taught me how to find the ways to be free of what ails them and all those who seek to control others. Overcoming the three varieties of fear one tiny step at a time, time and time again, taught me how to get rid of the victim mentality and become a fiercely independent ie. powerful person.
As I make headway on my life journey as a drug-free severely traumatized depressive person, I give thanks for those who walk with me when I struggle to overcome my negativity. I know these struggles will be with me to the end but I am not discouraged. I know how to find the value in being with both positivity and negativity in myself and in my friends.
Fear is just an illusion and if you believe in this illusion, you are creating your reality. What can you believe in that is not fear? Love. Love is your essence. If you move from fear deep into your heart, you will discover that there is a beautiful little light that you have forgotten. The more you look at this light, the more it will expand in you. Then you will not need to look at the fear because you will be too busy looking at the beauty inside of yourself. — Tony Samara
Until we become conscious, our ego functions to keep us from knowing and expressing the love and light that resides within us.
The functions of the ego further the state of becoming, while the real self is the state of being.
It’s being with our own suffering and with others who are suffering that leads us to seek the cure and share it with others.
It is loving difficult people suffering through dark times that strengthens us thereby increasing our resilience and assists them to find and develop their power to overcome and strength to face the future too.
We are invincible when we embrace others consciously, unequivocally aware there is no “I”.