Touching is a vital human need and an essential ingredient for healthy relationships. Studies have shown that without touching, many animals – including humans – will die in childhood. Being caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding.
Sexuality and Intimacy
A lack of sexual intimacy can destroy a couple, and if you value your relationship, focusing on creating deeper intimacy with your partner could be the best investment you ever make in your relationship. In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other. Change due to illness and aging can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking, letting go of things that have been familiar and safe, and adopting a new approach.
Sexuality and aging
Middle-aged and older adults no longer accept such myths as “Sex is only for young people” and “Sex isn’t important to older adults.” A study conducted by AARP, “Sexuality at Midlife and Beyond,” illustrates this. These are some of the findings:
- Five out of six of the respondents disagreed with the statement that “Sex is only for younger people.”
- Six out of 10 people stated that sexual activity was a crucial part of a good relationship.
- Only 10% of adults reported that they don’t particularly enjoy sex, and just 12% agreed that they would be quite happy never having sex again. Source: Sexuality in Midlife and Beyond
Greater experience, fewer inhibitions, and a deeper understanding of your needs and those of your partner can more than compensate for the consequences of aging. The physical changes of aging can provide an impetus for developing a new and satisfying style of lovemaking. When partners harmonize their breath and bodies, an effortless sense of intimacy is established.
Sexuality and Yoga
Yoga through its various asanas and breathing techniques help one relieve stress and relax and revitalize one’s body. Selected yoga asanas increase flexibility and stamina and the regular practice of them can redefine your sex life at any age. Unlike the western focus on single orgasms, tantric sex focuses on the benefits of prolonging the sex act for more intimacy, more and better orgasms, and for health benefits.
Aside from the obvious physical benefits Arthur Jeon, author of Sex, Love and Dharma: Finding Love Without Losing Your Way maintains that a regular yoga practice adds to your sex life in a variety of ways. Yoga can enhance your connection to the muladhara (root) chakra at the perineum and the base of the spine, and the svadisthana chakra of the hips, sacrum, and genitals, a connection that makes you more receptive and stimulates your libido.
Related post: Kegel Exercises are Sexy
Sleep better and improve your sex life with yoga - a 2004 clinical study at Harvard Medical School showed that just eight weeks of a simple at-home yoga practice significantly improved sleep quality for the toughest audience — chronic insomniacs. It’s a simple exercise to connect the dots — practice yoga, sleep better, have more sex and better orgasms. Recommended asanas – Upavista Konasana (Wide Straddle Forward Bend) and Baddha Konasana (Bound Angle Pose, also known as Cobbler’s Pose).
In a small preliminary study published in Journal of Sexual Medicine, Feb. 2010, women ages 22 to 55 who were enrolled in a 12-week yoga program experienced improvements in several aspects of sexual function, including desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and pain. For one hour a day, the women practiced 22 yoga postures (asanas) believed to have positive effects on abdominal and pelvic muscle tone, digestion, joint function, and mood. The specific asanas used in the study are listed in the chart below.
Yoga postures (asanas) breathing exercises & bandhas |
|
| Sanskrit name | Also known as |
| kapalabhati -cleansing exercise | cleansing breath |
| vajrasana | diamond throne |
| yoga mudra | symbol of yoga |
| marjariasana | cat’s posture |
| pavanmuktasana | hanging in the air |
| viparita karani mudra | legs up the wall |
| matsyasana | fish posture |
| halasana | plow posture |
| ardha matsyendrasana | half spinal twist |
| paschimottanasana | back stretching posture |
| parvatasana | mountain posture |
| bhujangasana | snake posture |
| shalabhasana | locust posture |
| naukasana | boat posture |
| dhanurasana | bow posture |
| bhushirasana | preliminary headstand |
| hamsasana | swan posture |
| chakrasana | wheel posture |
| trikonasana | triangle posture |
| uddiyana bandha -energetic lock | abdominal lock |
| pranayama -breathing exercise | breath control |
| shavaisana | dead posture |
In Sexy Yoga: 40 Poses for Mindblowing Sex and Greater Intimacy, Ellen Barrett, popular author and instructor for New York’s Crunch studios, offers the modern yoga student a specific program designed to transform and heighten sexual pleasure and lovemaking.
Barrett’s program includes a series of asanas (postures) that use yoga’s combination of movement, breathing, and focus to release sexual power. Sensual, erotic, and guaranteed to improve sexual performance, the poses are also designed to improve one’s ability to navigate both the physical and emotional demands of intimacy. Rooted in the rich tradition of yoga but far from an esoteric Indian practice, the program in this book is suitable for everyone from new students to experienced yoga practitioners.
nothingprofound
July 3, 2010
Great post, informative and comprehensive, and certainly encouraging for us “over-the-hillers.”
timethief
July 3, 2010
Hello there,
Thanks so much for reading and leaving a comment too. I’m so tired of callow youth implying they know more about providing sexual satisfaction to an endless parade of partners, than committed partners in long term relationships do. Anyone can have orgasms without a partner and those who go through partner after partner have not achieved intimacy. The younger people I speak to seem to suffer from an embarrassing lack of knowledge about what intimacy is, and how to create it. They also assume that older people don’t “get it on” any more. Pffftt! Yes we can have satisfying and intimate sex at any age. Also being chronically ill does not mean that one stops having sex. What it means to lovers is that we adapt and adopt new practices.
Sandra Lee
July 3, 2010
There wasn’t a great deal of intimacy in my childhood environment, so it is something that I need to continue to cultivate consciously in my own life. This reminder of the importance of focusing on deepening intimacy with your partner is a helpful one for me. The Yoga asanas seems like a bit of stretch for this particular body, but I see how much benefit they can bring!
timethief
July 3, 2010
Hi Sandra,
The yoga asanas can be a stretch (no pun intended) for older people who are new to yoga. I have practiced Iyengar yoga for over two decades now. One of Iyengar’s major innovations is in the use of props and modified positions. You have probably seen blankets, blocks, straps, pillows, chairs, and bolsters being used in yoga studios today. Well the use of these props and of modified positions comes directly from Iyengar. Their purpose is to assist us to attain ideal alignment, even when our body is not yet open enough to achieve the traditional pose.
I have witnessed so many couples whose relationships seem to fall apart as menopause enters the picture. Loving partners committed to developing ever deepening levels of intimacy do not fall apart during menopause. They graciously adapt and adopt new practices because they recognize intimacy is the glue that bonds them.
Bird
July 9, 2010
I went on a retreat last year, and for the first time in my life I did some yoga. It was the part of the retreat I had been nervous about, as I am quite stiff and was worried that I would feel like a failure while everyone else tied themselves into knots. How wrong I was! Our teacher was so incredibly sensitive and used blocks and towels as you describe as she led us through the carefully chosen postures with infinite care. I felt I learned more about my body that week than I had in many years, and at no point did I worry about injury or failure. I absolutely loved it. Also, there was a really lovely (non sexual) sense of intimacy between teacher and self, and also between those of us in the class. I would certainly say that yoga promotes intimacy of every kind. I had always had this image that yoga was quite an aloof practice, my mind has been changed about that.
timethief
July 9, 2010
@Bird
Thanks so much for sharing your yoga retreat experience. I have found many older folks have the notion that yoga is hard to do and they may hurt themselves. That’s why it’s so great to see how they take to it. Iyengar yoga is all about using props and modified positions to assist students to achieve correct alignment.
I also agree that yoga promotes intimacy of all kinds and on all levels. During a yoga workshop I always feel so connected on physical and emotional and psychological levels to my own body and to everyone else. And, that connected and intimate feeling keeps me motivated when it comes to my daily practice and rising above illness and pain.
Best wishes to you in all you do Bird,
TiTi
Nick Grimshawe
July 3, 2010
A healthy being balances all parts of body/mind/spirit and certainly sexual intimacy plays a very important role in all three areas. Thank you for the thoughtful article.
I’ll paraphrase a very popular Tina Turner song, “What’s age got to do with it, do with?”
Nick Grimshawe
timethief
July 3, 2010
Hi Nick,
I loved the paraphrase … :) Age is irrelevant.
Ben Ralston - Grounded Spirituality
July 4, 2010
It’s a good article TiTi, and I do acknowledge the importance of it to anyone who has been in a relationship a long time, or is chronically ill, or simply has difficulty with intimacy. Yes, yoga can certainly help people become more intimate (with themselves primarily, and also with a partner) – I had a student years ago in London who, after doing a beginners course, told me that the single biggest benefit to them was their improved sex life.
On the other hand, I have to admit to finding it difficult reading about yoga and sex on the same page. I know this is more my issue than anything else – I’m a purist… but so many times people use sex to sell yoga, and yoga to sell sex, and it’s really just down to selling. I absolutely know that you’re not doing this here by the way, but still, my initial reaction was ” oh no, not another ‘yoga is sexy’” article…
I also realize that the only way to get some people into the deeper aspects of yoga is perhaps first through this approach – which is in a way a good thing. But this watering down and ‘sexing up’ of everything in our society just really leaves me feeling a bit sad. Yoga is a sacred tradition, and actually apart from Tantra – of which sex is, truth be told, a tiny part – yoga and sex are often seen as opposed to each other: certainly, one of the main branches of Raja Yoga is brahmacharya, which means restraint of sensual indulgence… and is sometimes (in my opinion, wrongly) translated as total celibacy.
Anway, rant over: good to highlight the possibility of using yoga practice to deepen one’s relationship with oneself and the outer world.
Good to open yoga up to more people.
By the way, of the 22 asanas you mentioned, some are not asanas:
Kaphalabathi is a kriya (cleansing exercise), sometimes viewed as pranayama (breathing exercise)
And Uddiyana Bandha is, well, a bandha! (energetic lock)
With love,
Ben
timethief
July 4, 2010
Hello Ben,
Thanks for commenting. I know where you are coming from. Sex is used to “sell” everything under the sun. I’m not selling anything here. My intention was to emphasize intimacy through spiritual and physical union. It saddens me to find how many couples never achieve it and it also saddens me if that message did not come across in my article.
My partner and I have been practicing yoga since we were in college. I have found that many older people are put off from yoga because they assume they will be expected to assume positions that they can’t. But the use of props in Iyengar yoga can open the yoga door to many older people and has done so for former students.
I’m also well aware that Kaphalabathi is a kriya (cleansing exercise), sometimes called Pranayama (breathing exercise)and Uddiyana Bandha is an (energetic lock) bandha. lol :D I posted exactly what the program used in the preliminary study was without adding notations to the chart, which I will do now thanks to your prompting. Thank you. :)
Ben Ralston - Grounded Spirituality
July 7, 2010
No, don’t get me wrong – your message DID come across. I liked the article, and as other people have already commented, your pure intention is evident.
I just wanted to express my initial reaction to what I saw – which I know was off topic but…
With love,
Ben
timethief
July 7, 2010
@Ben
Oh, I’m so glad that you didn’t think I was trying to sell yoga under the sex label and you do think my intimacy message came across.
The issue of celibacy always arises when sex and yoga are mentioned but the fact is that the vast and overwhelming majority of western yoga practitioners are not celibate, and are not practicing yoga as a religion.
I have spent years listening to the teaching of restraint and observances which are the strong-hold of yoga. I recognize that without them, the preservation of yoga as a religion is impossible. But I do not practice yoga as a religion. I am a Buddhist (no self – no atman – is my experience).
Yoga is union and couple who practice yoga experience physical and spiritual union that transcends sex because they are intimately connected. If one or the other or both become ill or aged that does not mean that their sexuality disappears. If they are intimately connected then they adapt and adopt and going on loving.
As yoga can be practiced at any age and every age, a couple who have not established intimacy may find that practicing together may help them create what’s missing in their relationship.
Thanks for returning to comment again. I appreciate it.
Lana
July 4, 2010
I had a friend in Canada who was really into the Tantric thing. Hubby & I do well enough without it, though. *L*
timethief
July 4, 2010
@Lana,
I’m glad to hear you two are doing well. Many couples aren’t. I guess I wanted to address the notion that (1) older people and (2) people with chronic diseases can’t have satisfying sex lives. Oh, yes we can. And because yoga has been a spiritual and physical bonding for my beloved and I, I sought out articles about yoga, aging, intimacy and sexuality.
celticmusicfan
July 4, 2010
As always your ideas are refreshing TT and they always come with an attitude. Very informative and that chart really helps in bringing to light the data.
timethief
July 4, 2010
@celticmusicfan
It’s fabulous to hear from you. Thanks for the complimenting my attitude. :)
Christopher Foster
July 5, 2010
Thankyou TiTi for your ongoing expression of love and deep caring. I appreciate very much the opportunity to be in touch with you in these days. Obviously I’m not talking about physical touch, but we can touch one another – one another’s lives — in deep ways without that physical dimension can’t we?
Having said that, touch, physical touch, is so key, just as you say. I met my wife 15 years ago and we loved touching so much from the beginning of our relationship. And though our ages are getting up there now, I’m happy to say we still love to touch and do it OFTEN. Just like whales, and horses, and I’m sure many other creatures do too…
timethief
July 7, 2010
Christopher,
Thank you for your kind words. My husband and I have been together for twice as long as you and your wife have been together and we love to touch. We touch not only physically but as you refer to in your comment, we touch each others lives in a many tender and loving ways every day.