Love is a Rose
It was an overcast, cool and breezy morning when MrT took me out walking today. I have been trying to further the time and distance I established in my spring conditioning program but I’m not making much progress. I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m experiencing severe joint pain, and spasms in my legs that ZING! me wide awake every couple of hours. Walking seems to help a little but not as much as I had hoped for, and I found myself sitting in the ditch and resting while the spasms passed.
While down at that level I had a chance to get in touch with the wild roses, wood violets and buttercups. That closeness to them evoked sweet memories, memories of my now departed friend and I singing and laughing and chatting as we collected the same species for our flower pressing just a year ago. Once the first memory appeared more followed like a slide show, and special moments from many years of collecting walks as well as hours spent making cards and bookmarks and decorating gift boxes with them appeared and departed.
I was in a sober and somber mood which was both a reflection of the weather and also of the state of mind I was in when I returned home. As I placed my tiny bright colored treasures between sheets of photographic blotter paper I suddenly realized that I was now the owner of two flower presses. The second press was my friend’s and it was one of the sentimental items I rescued from clutter in a cardboard box and placed in my wicker basket. I won’t be giving it away because I have strong feeling that some day soon I’ll meet someone else who I will share flower pressing experiences with.
And yet, perhaps this is one way to finally overcome our grief and sense of loss; that in the end, what will matter more is not their departure from our lives, but the impact, the difference, they’ve made to it. That’s not to say the pain would be any less or difficult; rather, that perhaps this may be that light at the end of the tunnel that allows us to make peace with this loss. –Saying goodbye to loved ones
Life is a precious gift and the legacy we leave behind is the gift that keeps on giving – memories.
Another thing my friend and I shared was the love of singing. The Rose by Bette Middler was a song we loved to sing in harmony.
♫ The Rose ♫ by Bianca Ryan
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As Jack Lemon said, “Death ends a life, not a relationship.” You are indeed a rose. My best
Hello there,
It’s wonderful to hear from you. Thank you so much for the compliment too. I trust you are keeping well and send you my love.
TiTi
Your friend still remembers you, too. what a lovely memory and tribute. :)
@Theresa,
Thanks so much for the kind words. As the Jack Lemon quote shared by the Count above indicates the relationship has not died.
I appreciate your words so much. We have a choice, it seems to me, to focus on all the things that are wrong, very easy to do — or dare to be still for a moment and in that profound inner stillness sense a presence that is not at all dismayed by the outer goings-on. And I loved so much too the song. Just exquisite. How did you get this on to your blog?
Hello Christopher,
I’m glad you liked the video. You can click on it on the bottom right hand corner and go to youtube and get the embed code there.
Today, I remembered someone I lost last year, wrote a brief post about him. I know how it feels. Your friend is resting peacefully in a better place :-).
I read your lovely tribute earlier today. It was so special. I’m sending you a {HUG} and thanking you for the visit.
What a lovely song and so beautifully sung by Bianca Ryan. Love of a friend never dies — cherish the good memories. (((Hugs)))
I’m glad you liked Bianca Ryan’s version of the song Cindy. And I will treasure the memories.
this is so beautiful timethief. your friend is not gone…still with you always
Thank you Ann and “yes” she will be with me always in my memories.
I’ve been reflecting on this post now and then through the week. Although we know life is impermanent, there is still a big shock when the death of a friend shows us this inevitable truth. Getting comfortable with impermanence seems to be a lifetime endeavor that we meet again and again along the way. Thank you for sharing these beautiful flowers and beautiful memories of your friend and your own process of grief. It helps to prepare me for times to come when loss will also knock at my door.
G’evening Sandra,
Yes, this is an opportunity to be come comfortable with impermanence but only after one learns not to “cling”. Therein is the most difficult challenge for me and for us all.
I’ve had 3 close friends die over the course of 3 years. Becoming aware of impermanence, observing, and understanding it I have witnessed that there is nothing that is fixed and permanent; every thing and everyone is subject to change and alteration. Without doubt impermanence is an instrument for our liberation. For, without impermanence, no thing and no one would change but with impermanence, every thing, every person and every circumstance is subject to change.
The Buddha compared human existence to the transient nature of autumn clouds, with a lifetime being no more than a flash of lightning. He approached suffering saying it is not inherent in the world of impermanence; suffering arises when we cling. When clinging disappears, impermanence no longer gives rise to suffering. The solution to suffering, then, is to end clinging, not to try to escape from the transient world.
I believe I have passed through the clinging stage of grief associated with these last two deaths now. I want do my best to be happy and compassionate in this life. I want those who live on after I am gone to have good memories of times spent with me.
Hi TT, it was sad to hear about your joint pains and spasms I know how bad it can be when sleep escapes you due to pain and I hope you find your peaceful night sleep soon. I think it really shows your immense inner strength and perseverance that you push forward with your walking and collecting your flowers and how well you have coped with losing your friend. I have never lost a close friend just elder family members and I think I’m not alone in my awe of your spirit and I hope you one day find that other person to share your hobby with. Keep the faith in your inner self and I know that even illness can’t conquer your inspirational spirit.
Dear Anonymous
What a lovely encouraging and comment you have left me. Thank you so much. It means a lot to me coming from you given your own health challenges. Bless you.
timethief, this was beautiful to read. I lost a wonderful friend earlier this year too, and there are certain things that bring her to mind so vividly. I like to think she still lives in the hearts and minds of everyone who loved her, even if we will never see her again. I think what you say in your last comment is true, that our task now, if it can be called that, is to call up the fond memories of others and live our lives to the full.
“Always remember to slow down in life; live, breathe, and learn; take a look around you whenever you have time and never forget everything and every person that has the least place within your heart.” — unknown
Beautiful post and I love the flowers. I’m sorry for both your emotional and physical pain and hope you feel better very soon.
Thanks so much for your well wishes Lisa. I’ve turned the corner. I’m embracing life again.
Having lost too many people from my life, often too soon, I “hear” this post very clearly.
Dear Lana,
I’m sorry to hear you have lost friends too. Even though we make references to impermanence and say anyone could be run over at any time, death is something we don’t expect to happen until we are old, and you and I have a way to go before we can wear that “old” label, don’t we?
What a lovely post — your words are very encouraging. There’s power in memories. I’ll bet you felt just a little bit better after your reverie about finding and pressing flowers with your friend.
This is my first time at this blog (I saw a link on friedeggs). Nicely done.
Hello Susuan,
I’m so happy you found my personal blog. I hadn’t originally intended to use friedeggs to promote my blog posts but things have changed. I just went through a succession of health issues and computer problems that interfered with my blogging, so it’s good to know that my post to friedeggs reached you.
I’m recovering more each day from the two unexpected deaths of friends (aneurysm and undetected congenital heart condition). Everything and everyone changes and death is a transition. We enter naked and we leave only memories behind. But as I said in the post memories are the legacy of a gift that keeps on giving. Both will be alive and with me always in my memories.
Perhaps, we are the tool kits of the gods, who use us to enjoy the roses. Namaste
Namaste Count. :)
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