Earthlings seek loving compatible partners

According to an Oxford economist, marriage and cohabiting rates in developed countries can be linked to attitudes towards the roles of men and women, and views on who is responsible for doing the housework and looking after the children. Both men and women have shown they are more likely to want a live-in relationship with the opposite sex if they think their partner will do a share of the housework and childcare duties. —  Men Who Do The Housework Are More Likely To Get The Girl

We all hear gender based cliches  daily:

Men want sex; women want romance;

Men are from mars; women are from venus.

Gender based cliches generalizations and stereotyping

These gender based cliches, generalizations and stereotyping always fall apart under scrutiny. On one hand, there are men who are very romantic and there are also women who are too. On the other, there are also women and men who are not very romantic at all.

The men are from mars and women are from venus hype is tripe. It’s used to sell a vast array of both related and unrelated products, services and fuel online dating sites and relationship based blogs. We would be foolish not to observe that many growth industries rely upon the faulty foundation of advertising of gender based sensationalized cliches, stereotypes and generalizations in order to fuel their markets, obtain new customers, and maintain their existing customers’ brand loyalty.

Reality check

Men and women are both from earth and they both need and want the same things in long term relationships. Men and women have far more in common than they do differences. However, those selling products and services and their customers dwell on the differences, and what we fail to recognize is that when we buy into stereotyping we are buying into dehumanizing each other.

There are no characteristics that are innately female so men ought to stop making assumptions about individual women based on what they think is their knowledge of “how women think” or “what women want”. Likewise there are any characteristics that are innately male, and women ought to stop making assumptions about individual men based on cliche’s, stereotyping  and generalizations. They are not accurate so why do we pretend that they are?

I can guarantee that you will dump all cultural “baggage” when you enter into the back country and bushlands where your survival is of paramount concern and where co-operation is required. In the back country male – female relationships become more genuinely “human” and that all that sensationalized sexual claptrap disappears from your mind and speech. In the bush we are not defined by labels and cultural expectations and other societal BS, and when we are stripped of social conditioning what we discover that there is very little difference between our needs and desires.

What do earthlings want?

(1) Earthlings  are seeking a faithful partner whom they can trust. They  want a partner they can honestly share with and be open with ie. one who respects them. They are seeking a  partner they can trust with their hearts, plans and schemes, hopes and dreams.

(2)  Earthlings want to make a home a raise a family with a loving partner.  Male earthlings are seeking a partner who is feminine and loving because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great partner and mother are an attraction in and of themselves.  Female earthlings are seeking a partner who is masculine and loving because deep down the qualities that make a  man a great partner and father are an attraction in and of themselves.

(4)  Earthlings  are visual and they want a partner who takes pride in his or   appearance and her fitness level, without becoming obsessed with dieting and working out.

(5)  Earthlings view their partnerships   as support systems. They are looking for a partner who is strong and capable of providing them with encouragement and support. Earthlings  who are are quick to criticize  behavior, career and friends, and who try to change them are not on the appealing list.

(6) Likewise earthlings don’t go for high maintenance drama queens or kings. They don’t like angry partners who shout, nor are they attracted to bawl babies or to clinging vines. They want a partner who they can easily talk to and who is capable of discussing things without becoming overly emotional.

(7) Earthlings appreciate  a challenging partner, someone who keeps them on their toes intellectually. But they also want to have a partner they can  feel relaxed and happy with. They are looking for a partner who is clear thinking and has a good sense of humor; one who  is enjoyable to be with.

11 thoughts on “Earthlings seek loving compatible partners

  1. One way to think of this, is that we each want to integrate the so-called “feminine” qualities and “male” qualities in a way that makes living the most diverse, varied and rich. It is natural, that a person might find 1-2 qualities in a partner that meld with theirs.

    This is not to suggest that each person is incomplete. More to the point, we are complete but learn of the best and weaker facets of ourselves when we see what others offer.

    1. Hi Jean,
      You expressed that so well. The two popular soul-mate concepts are (1) your soul-mate must be the missing half of you who completes you (2) or your soul mate is so much like you that they are your opposite sex “twin”. Both notions are nonsensical.

      It isn’t easy dealing with your own weaknesses and focusing on turning them into strengths but if we aren’t so focused then we reach the faulty assumption that we need another to complete us.

      We may meet someone who is strong where we are weak today and think we have a foundation for a lifelong relationship but what kind of relationship will it be and how long will it endure if we take the position that we are individually stagnant?

      We may meet someone who thinks the same way we do on almost any topic under the sun but is there any room for differences and growth in that kind of relationship over the long term?

      We may attracted to a partner who has a similar personality and similar preferences but if we desire a partner who is our opposite then does that mean we have given up on self improvement? Does that mean we are prepared to enter a relationship with the expectation that neither partner will grow or change in any way?

      We all change – everything and everyone changes – nothing and no one remains the same. Not recognizing that change is the only constant means one is in a state of denial.

      You can’t expect the best from your relationship with yourself if you aren’t aware of who you are and aren’t helping that little kid inside you grow to his or her full potential. You can’t expect the best from your relationship with partner if you aren’t aware of who they are and aren’t encouraging them to help that little kid inside them to his or her full potential.

      I reject the gender based stereotyping that I see and hear everywhere. There is very little difference between our needs and desires in relationships.

  2. Excellent post! You bring up some wonderful points that I think apply to virtually everyone with regard to what people seek not only in a partner but, in virtually every mutually beneficial relationship.

    I think one of your most important points (at least for me) is #7. Having someone who I’m not only comfortable with but who also challenges me every day.

    I think too many people become complacent and/or too comfortable in their relationships and out of this oftentimes grows a tendency to take each other for granted. Challenging each other to continually grow, learn and improvfe (individually and as a couple) is extremely important.
    .-= Active Leisure´s last blog ..Men Are Like Toasters =-.

  3. Amazing! I like #6 and #7. Most people fail to realize that most of the whining they do in life is what keeps potential partners away. As I read somewhere, you can’t give away what you don’t have. People often search for love in all the wrong places. They think love is what will complete them. Therefore they look for that potential someone who will complete them.

  4. Hi Timethief,

    Another really excellent post. I am so lucky! My husband is the primary cook in our family. He works hard all day–long hours too but it relaxes him to cook when he comes home and he enjoys it so much, so I gladly let him do this. I usually do the clean up–but I think this is fair because he cooks. He does often clean up too–he’s such a sweetie.

    He helps with all aspects of the household chores and thinks nothing of it. He’s usually in charge of laundry too!

    And I have to say that he brings me coffee in bed *every morning* and ends each night with giving me a backrub.

    Oh yes! I am one lucky woman! :-)

    Melinda

  5. Lisa (my wife) and I split the house work evenly, but nothing feels better than when we both work on something together. She makes the chores easier and is a great person to have a conversation with. Not sure why other people are afraid to cross into house-cleaning or laundry, but with the right partner, its bearable and makes for a good time.

  6. Ha!!! I married one who thinks if he picks up a dish rag, he’ll grow female appendages! BIG, cumbersome, size D appendages that will shame him forever, lol…..

    He will cook or clean ONLY if I’m deathly ill. (Which I have never been, so far in our LONG marriage!)

    Lucky for me, he’s great in other ways and works very hard on other projects.

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