Avoiding Online Miscommunication
Avoiding Online Miscommunication
By Melinda Roberts Tyler
I will never forget the note I received at the end of one of my first semesters teaching online psychology class. It read:
Professor Roberts,
I want to thank you putting so much into teaching this class. At the age of 72, being a veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam War, I never dreamed it would be possible for me to earn a college degree. Your class helped me reach that goal.
Sincerely,
Robin
I leaned back in my chair, stunned! I had been teaching this student for the past three months and had reached a conclusion in my mind—my inference was that my student, ‘Robin,’ was female, likely in her thirties, someone I believed to be a stay-at-home mom, since she’d (he?) had talked about no longer working. The revelation that ‘Robin’ was a seventy-two year old male astounded me! I had assumed all of these things about my student without really knowing. The note from Robin taught me a valuable lesson about online communication and online personas; I would never again jump to hasty conclusions about who my students were.
We jump to conclusions in online communication all the time, which explains why there is so much miscommunication in the virtual world. Having taught online classes in colleges and universities for the past ten years, I have come to appreciate the unique challenges that arise in learning to communicate effectively in the virtual world. Problems with miscommunication occur so frequently in the face-to-face (f2f) world, it’s no wonder that communication difficulties are even more pronounced in a medium that relies solely on the written word, without facial expressions, body language, or vocal tone and inflection.
Most of us have found ourselves in the cross fire of miscommunication somewhere along the line. We have offended someone without meaning to by not being clear in using humor or sarcasm in an email or perhaps a discussion in an online forum. Almost all of us have been in the position of both offending another person without meaning to or we have been insulted by someone else who did not intend to wound with words.
While we will likely never eradicate all problems in electronic communication, we can certainly lessen the extent to which it occurs by keeping in mind the following points.
- Remember the human. Most important is to remember that behind every email, every discussion board post, and every instant message is a human being who has real feelings, just as you do. Try to put yourself in the position of the person who is reading your email, post, or entry.
- The 24-hour rule. If you are sending off a ‘hot button’ email—communication that you believe may potentially anger another person, wait twenty-four hours before sending it. It might also be a good idea to another person read it over, to get an objective view of how it reads.
- Clarify the tone. There are many ways to elucidate the tone in online communication, such as using emoticons J L. When communicating in person, both parties depend on nonverbal cues to help clarify meaning. If you are using sarcasm in online communication, you might want to try something like this: <sarcasm>I just could not believe it!</sarcasm>. Creative use of words and symbols can go a long way in helping the other party understand you correctly.
- Treat online relationships with the same respect you treat in person relationships. Too often, people hide behind the cloak of online anonymity and treat others in a manner they would never dream of treating a person if they were face-to-face. Before hurling an insult at a person online, stop to consider if you would really say that to the person if he/she were in front of you.
- Be forgiving if miscommunication does occur. We all make mistakes—if someone does offend you, remember the difficulties of effective online communication. Likewise, if you offend, take the time to apologize and explain that you did not mean to wound. Common courtesies such as this really do go a long way.
- Finally, if you are new to online communication, you should become well versed in the practices, rules, and considerations of ‘Netiquette.’ The most common abuses of netiquette include TALKING IN ALL CAPS (which, in the online world, people perceive as shouting). The first place I direct all my students to is Netiquette, which is a great place to introduce yourself to all the common practices, rules, and considerations of online communication.
About timethief
22 Comments on “Avoiding Online Miscommunication”
~~~ Welcome ~~~
this time - this space is a personal development and self improvement blog, focused on overcoming challenges through skillful means, and living the simple life to the fullest. Read more ...
Follow @thistimespace
Visitors
© 2007 – 2012 All Rights Reserved - Any content reblogged from this time - this space must adhere to the terms of © Copyright
I read your blog the information is very helpful the things you say i never saw it like that ,but what you is so true .its cool to know that im not the only person see whats going on with miscommunication.
very important subject that too many don’t think about.
One very basic step that my family members skip, is reread the message before the hitting send.
thanks
This is a beautiful and well organized post. I love the explanation about the 24-hour rule. Yes aren’t we guilty of sending those hate messages in a push of a button and regret the thought of destroying the possible friendship forever? I wish more people would read this to learn more and to be more human in treating one another online.
Yes, yes, yes! Shout this one from the highest heights! Good post! ~Nards
Great ideas about communicating! Online interactions are certainly different than those offline, and it can take a little getting used to for some people.
Peace,
Bob
Very good post. It is so easy to miscommunicate when we are face to face let alone the perils of communicating strictly on-line. You have outlined some very good ways to be aware of the possible pit-falls of on-line communication. We need to read and re-read before we hit send!
Very sage advice. I try to use the 24-hr rule face to face too! :)
When people first start with emails, texts, blogging, etc. it is not surprising that blunders are made in communication as non-verbal clues are suddenly absent. But over time, it seems reasonable to expect that people would come to understand this difference and would then learn how to effectively communicate in the environment. That’s not always the case. As I see it, we have those who are new to the medium or have never had netiquette explained to them (therefore reading a post like this would be extremely helpful), and we have those who choose to ignore netiquette so they can incite, provoke and entertain themselves with the reactions of those who take their bait. Disengagement can be a valuable tool in this medium at times. It’s the next bit under “the 24 hour rule”: If what you want to say doesn’t sit right after 24 hours, either start over or walk away from it.
Great article, Melinda. Once again, tt, you have picked up on a very timely topic.
Good rules! Now if can just get the hot dogs around here to follow them.
@ Mark Vasquez and Lisleman—I so totally agree that it is important to reread *always* before sending
@celticmusicfan: I agree with you so much. If people taught others with the same consideration they do in face-to-=face communication, life would be so much better in the virtual world.
@Bob Crawford: I agree that people need to get used to online communication—and the netiquette site is a great resource for the newbies.
@Nards, Mark, and Angela—thanks so much!
@Cindy—you raise an excellent point. If people are new to online communication, mistakes are bound to be made; however, those who willfully ignore common online courtesies—or worse, who troll and incite—that’s a whole other can of worms!
@NP—just let me at those hotdogs! I’ll show ‘em!
Thank you to everyone for your comments!
Melinda
I am amazed how often I stereotype people inappropriately from things as innocent as their avatars.
Nice post.
That’s incredible :-) Assumption is really the mother of all bad things. And I think it works in all the other area of our lives, not only in the online communication.
Thanks for the well written reminder :-)
@Bengo and Dragos,
Because we are faced with so much stimuli all the time, we really do have a need to categorize. Unfortunately, in our categorization, this often leads to stereotyping–which as both of you pointed out, can be extremely damaging.
It’s something we all need to keep in mind–that stereotypes can be dangerous–because they are so often wrong!
I appreciate your comments.
Melinda
Hi Melinda, these are excellent points to keep in mind. Our tendency to make assumptions in the virtual world is just the minds way of trying to fill in the blanks. When we communicate in the real world we have so much more information available. We see the person and their body language. We hear their tone and inflection. Our mind creates a mental portfolio based on all this input. In the absence of real input the mind will take what clues it can gather, and create a mental image so we have a picture in our mental file cabinet. The mind works in pictures and then labels them with words (or names) for filing purposes.
timethief, this was an excellent article. I like the point about remember the human. We are all human beings and it’s just a great way to live to remember that and treat each other with common respect and decency.
Very good points here indeed. There is so much room for error I think when it comes to online communication because we don’t have the luxury of seeing the other person or being seen where we can pick up on tone, emotions, body language, etc.
So these are all great points to help out, to make the online world a better understood experience for everyone :)
Jesus… everything I read on your blog is brilliant. It is so true that we take online relationships much differently than if we were talking with those same people face-to-face… hopefully, the more people that read this article the closer we can come with closing the gap between the two.
In a related note, I do feel that social networking tools like twitter, no matter how stupid you may know or think it is, actually helps us remember that online people are human. The fact that a tweet makes it extremely easy to hold casual BS conversations are helping others ‘feel’ like they are having a normal conversation with others… 5-10 years ago, you couldn’t say this at all. A dark IRC screen did the opposite for me, it make me feel ‘underground’ and distant.
Great article again, you always impress me.
Eric
Excellent tips! Your emphasis on remembering the real, live, breathing, feeling human behind the online personal is so true.
I also see some great benefits to online communication. Years back, I taught an online composition class. Online learning was new then, so this was a pilot. My best student was an Iranian woman living in the US. She was brilliant: extremely insightful, shared her opinions readily, and was actively engaged. All the other students in the class were male.
At the end of the term, we all met in person. Some of the cultural pressures presented and she sat in the back of the room and did not comment at all until I asked her direct questions. I learned an important lesson: there are inherent strengths and weaknesses in online communication.
Sometimes it is helpful to shed the non-verbal or cultural personas, and allow the ideas and concepts to connect first. Online communication allows this.
And, of course, I’ve also seen some bullying because students felt they could get away with it, since their was no face to face interaction. The extreme possibility of both enriched and diminished interaction is what I find so fascinating about online communication. It’s a brilliant training ground for students.
I will be assigning your post to the college course I still teach this term, and sharing it with clients. Thank you.
@Jonathan, You put it perfectly! We do need to fill in the blanks. And worse, we often fill in what we want to believe rather than what is real. Your comment was extremely perceptive!
@Stephen, I absolutely agree—I think that remembering the human is most important. If we do that, then the rest usually follows.
@Evita, I think we all need reminders from time to time! Thanks for stopping by.
@RogueDeals, I think you raised a good point. There is more focus on the need for better communication with the escalation of so many new social networking sites.
@Mary, Your story reminded me of another interesting experience I had teaching online. My students are scattered all over the world. I always start a thread that is unrelated to class work, for students to get to know each other. I call it “The Virtual Coffee and Tea Café!” where students could talk about parenting, school, and life in general.
Often, I saw strong friendships develop in the class, which I did see amongst three women. Every day they engaged in chat on this thread and got to know each very well throughout the course. This was a sociology class, and during the week that we were covering race and class, we had a discussion question about race. One of the women who was in the close circle of friends in the Virtual Coffee and Tea Café said that she had never really known anyone who was Black—that she had never had a Black friend; she came from a small town in Nebraska. Well, one of the friends she had made in the Café said, “Yes! You do have a Black Friend! I am African American!”
It taught all the women in that circle that how we develop friendships should really have nothing to do with our preconceived perceptions—and even judgments. It taught the entire class a great lesson (sorry for the long comment!).
I’d like to thank everyone again, for their comments!
Melinda
Great post and something that should be shared with many. N one knows who they are communicating with on the other end of the net. Now with so many people using dating services that are offered online, this article is even more relevant then ever. Thanks professor :-)
Thanks for reading and commenting to Glenn. I do agree with you.
Pingback: How to Deal With Online Miscommunication