Monthly Archives: August 2009

A Close Look at Smiles

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smilingWithout doubt faces wearing frowns repel us and faces wearing smiles draw us closer. Hence the saying:

Smile and the whole world smiles with you: frown and you frown alone.

Smiling can help you change your own attitude and mood to counteract the effects of stress.  It can also be received as a gift by others during times of stress. And under any circumstance a single smile has been known to provoke a  chain reaction response.

A closer look at smiles

There are hundreds of different variations of smiles expressing the full range of  human emotion. Experts including anthropologists, biologists and psychologists agree,  the smile is recognizable worldwide and can be viewed as  an international language understood by people across all cultures.

On one hand, if you choose to wear a smile, when you don’t feel like it, you soon be smiling for real and drawing people to you.  On the other, not every smile is authentic  — only a smile recognized as being genuine makes other people smile.

How can smiles be measured and what are the characteristics of a fake  smile?

In July BBC reported the a value of the smile story that peaked my interest.  A Japanese rail firm introduced  computerized scanners around 15 Tokyo stations to measure the broadness of their employee’s smiles, and those with smiles that fail to measure up will be advised to look more cheerful. The software developed by Omron will also be used by a hospital in Osaka to assess staff friendliness, and at a truck stop to measure the tiredness of drivers.

This month the BBC reported a new study suggests people from different cultures read facial expressions differently.

In the study, East Asians were more likely than Westerners to read the expression for “fear” as “surprise”, and “disgust” as “anger”.

The researchers say the confusion arises because people from different cultural groups observe different parts of the face when interpreting expression.

East Asian participants tended to focus on the eyes of the other person, while Western subjects took in the whole face, including the eyes and the mouth.

Spot The Fake Smile Test

  • This experiment is designed to test whether you can spot the difference between a fake smile and a real one
  • It has 20 questions and should take you 10 minutes
  • It is based on research by Professor Paul Ekman, a psychologist at the University of California
  • Each video clip will take approximately 15 seconds to load on a 56k modem and you can only play each smile once — BBC Psychology Test

Time to smile

I haven’t been smiling much this summer. I have been under tremendous stress, and grieving the loss of my two little dogs, and coping with the most painful fibromyalgia episode I have ever endured.

Sometimes it’s life’s wake up calls like health crises that help us focus on making self-improvements. I intuit that I need to focus on doing myself and others the favor of smiling more frequently.

In her article The Art of Smiling blogger Tina Su provides tips on smiling and one of them is:

I’ve found it useful to be conscious of things that make me smile. You might want to spend a few minutes making a list of things that brings a smile to your face.

She inspired me to begin a What makes you smile? list. Some of the things I listed are below:
hearing “I love you”
being called beautiful
being appreciated
being hugged
being kissed
dancing
singing

So readers what would you include on your own What Makes Me Smile List?

Earthlings seek loving compatible partners

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boymeetsgirl

According to an Oxford economist, marriage and cohabiting rates in developed countries can be linked to attitudes towards the roles of men and women, and views on who is responsible for doing the housework and looking after the children. Both men and women have shown they are more likely to want a live-in relationship with the opposite sex if they think their partner will do a share of the housework and childcare duties. –  Men Who Do The Housework Are More Likely To Get The Girl

We all hear gender based cliches  daily:

Men want sex; women want romance;

Men are from mars; women are from venus.

Gender based cliches generalizations and stereotyping

These gender based cliches, generalizations and stereotyping always fall apart under scrutiny. On one hand, there are men who are very romantic and there are also women who are too. On the other, there are also women and men who are not very romantic at all.

The men are from mars and women are from venus hype is tripe. It’s used to sell a vast array of both related and unrelated products, services and fuel online dating sites and relationship based blogs. We would be foolish not to observe that many growth industries rely upon the faulty foundation of advertising of gender based sensationalized cliches, stereotypes and generalizations in order to fuel their markets, obtain new customers, and maintain their existing customers’ brand loyalty.

Reality check

Men and women are both from earth and they both need and want the same things in long term relationships. Men and women have far more in common than they do differences. However, those selling products and services and their customers dwell on the differences, and what we fail to recognize is that when we buy into stereotyping we are buying into dehumanizing each other.

There are no characteristics that are innately female so men ought to stop making assumptions about individual women based on what they think is their knowledge of “how women think” or “what women want”. Likewise there are any characteristics that are innately male, and women ought to stop making assumptions about individual men based on cliche’s, stereotyping  and generalizations. They are not accurate so why do we pretend that they are?

I can guarantee that you will dump all cultural “baggage” when you enter into the back country and bushlands where your survival is of paramount concern and where co-operation is required. In the back country male – female relationships become more genuinely “human” and that all that sensationalized sexual claptrap disappears from your mind and speech. In the bush we are not defined by labels and cultural expectations and other societal BS, and when we are stripped of social conditioning what we discover that there is very little difference between our needs and desires.

What do earthlings want?

(1) Earthlings  are seeking a faithful partner whom they can trust. They  want a partner they can honestly share with and be open with ie. one who respects them. They are seeking a  partner they can trust with their hearts, plans and schemes, hopes and dreams.

(2)  Earthlings want to make a home a raise a family with a loving partner.  Male earthlings are seeking a partner who is feminine and loving because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great partner and mother are an attraction in and of themselves.  Female earthlings are seeking a partner who is masculine and loving because deep down the qualities that make a  man a great partner and father are an attraction in and of themselves.

(4)  Earthlings  are visual and they want a partner who takes pride in his or   appearance and her fitness level, without becoming obsessed with dieting and working out.

(5)  Earthlings view their partnerships   as support systems. They are looking for a partner who is strong and capable of providing them with encouragement and support. Earthlings  who are are quick to criticize  behavior, career and friends, and who try to change them are not on the appealing list.

(6) Likewise earthlings don’t go for high maintenance drama queens or kings. They don’t like angry partners who shout, nor are they attracted to bawl babies or to clinging vines. They want a partner who they can easily talk to and who is capable of discussing things without becoming overly emotional.

(7) Earthlings appreciate  a challenging partner, someone who keeps them on their toes intellectually. But they also want to have a partner they can  feel relaxed and happy with. They are looking for a partner who is clear thinking and has a good sense of humor; one who  is enjoyable to be with.

Avoiding Online Miscommunication

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Avoiding Online Miscommunication
By Melinda Roberts Tyler

I will never forget the note I received at the end of one of my first semesters teaching online psychology class.  It read:

Professor Roberts,
I want to thank you putting so much into teaching this class.  At the age of 72, being a veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam War, I never dreamed it would be possible for me to earn a college degree.  Your class helped me reach that goal.
Sincerely,
Robin

I leaned back in my chair, stunned! I had been teaching this student for the past three months and had reached a conclusion in my mind—my inference was that  my student, ‘Robin,’ was female, likely in her thirties, someone I believed to be a stay-at-home mom, since she’d (he?) had talked about no longer working. The revelation that ‘Robin’ was a seventy-two year old male astounded me!  I had assumed all of these things about my student without really knowing. The note from Robin taught me a valuable lesson about online communication and online personas; I would never again jump to hasty conclusions about who my students were.

We jump to conclusions in online communication all the time, which explains why there is so much miscommunication in the virtual world.  Having taught online classes in colleges and universities for the past ten years, I have come to appreciate the unique challenges that arise in learning to communicate effectively in the virtual world.  Problems with miscommunication occur so frequently in the face-to-face (f2f) world, it’s no wonder that communication difficulties are even more pronounced in a medium that relies solely on the written word, without facial expressions, body language, or vocal tone and inflection.

Most of us have found ourselves in the cross fire of miscommunication somewhere along the line.  We have offended someone without meaning to by not being clear in using humor or sarcasm in an email or perhaps a discussion in an online forum.   Almost all of us have been in the position of both offending another person without meaning to or we have been insulted by someone else who did not intend to wound with words.

While we will likely never eradicate all problems in electronic communication, we can certainly lessen the extent to which it occurs by keeping in mind the following points.

  • Remember the human.  Most important is to remember that behind every email, every discussion board post, and every instant message is a human being who has real feelings, just as you do.  Try to put yourself in the position of the person who is reading your email, post, or entry.
  • The 24-hour rule.  If you are sending off a ‘hot button’ email—communication that you believe may potentially anger another person, wait twenty-four hours before sending it.  It might also be a good idea to another person read it over, to get an objective view of how it reads.
  • Clarify the tone.  There are many ways to elucidate the tone in online communication, such as using emoticons J  L.  When communicating in person, both parties depend on nonverbal cues to help clarify meaning.   If you are using sarcasm in online communication, you might want to try something like this:  <sarcasm>I just could not believe it!</sarcasm>.  Creative use of words and symbols can go a long way in helping the other party understand you correctly.
  • Treat online relationships with the same respect you treat in person relationships.  Too often, people hide behind the cloak of online anonymity and treat others in a manner they would never dream of treating a person if they were face-to-face.   Before hurling an insult at a person online, stop to consider if you would really say that to the person if he/she were in front of you.
  • Be forgiving if miscommunication does occur. We all make mistakes—if someone does offend you, remember the difficulties of effective online communication.  Likewise, if you offend, take the time to apologize and explain that you did not mean to wound.  Common courtesies such as this really do go a long way.
  • Finally, if you are new to online communication, you should become well versed in the practices, rules, and considerations of ‘Netiquette.’  The most common abuses of netiquette include TALKING IN ALL CAPS (which, in the online world, people perceive as shouting).  The first place I direct all my students to is Netiquette, which is a great place to introduce yourself to all the common practices, rules, and considerations of online communication.

Brain science

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Most famous for his work with Palm where he took part in creating the first handheld computers, Jeff Hawkins has recently got himself into neuroscience.

In a TEDTalks video urges us to take a new look at the brain — to see it not as a fast processor, but as a memory system that stores and plays back experiences to help us predict, intelligently, what will happen next.

  • Why we don’t have a good brain theory.
  • What it’s important.
  • What we can do about it.

Hawkins argues that what’s lacking is a theoretical framework. We have lots of data, but little in the way of theory. This is where Hawkins seeks to contribute, most famously with his hierarchical temporal model of memory. Memoirs of a Postgrad has a far better summary of the theory here. The theory is that the brain is basically a big memory system that uses past experiences to make predictions about the future – this is Hawkins’ definition of intelligence. So in this view, we literally learn from experience.

Coaxing computers to perform basic acts of perception and robotics, let alone high-level thought, has been difficult. No existing computer can recognize pictures, understand language, or navigate through a cluttered room with anywhere near the facility of a child. Hawkins and his colleagues have developed a model of how the neocortex performs these and other tasks.

The theory, call Hierarchical Temporal Memory, explains how the hierarchical structure of the neocortex builds a model of its world and uses this model for inference and prediction. To turn this theory into a useful technology, Hawkins has created a company called Numenta. Hawkins describes the theory, its biological basis, and a software platform created by Numenta that allows anyone to apply this theory to a variety of problems. Part of this theory was described in a book he co-authored in 2004 called “On Intelligence”.

22 minutes

It’s no secret

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globeThe Secret has led to many people becoming self-styled Law of Attraction (LOA) “gurus. This movement is rapidly expanding as friends challenge friends and the overlapping circles of acolytes grow.

The Secret AKA Law of Attraction (the power of positive thinking plus creative visualization) is not new to me. I have been reading books on this subject for many years, and also practicing relaxation and creative visualization techniques.

Psycho-Cybernetics: A New Way to Get More Living out of Life was first published in 1960 by Prentice-Hall and first appeared in a pocket book edition in 1969.

Happiness and success are habits. So are failure and misery. But negative habits can be changed–and Psycho-Cybernetics shows you how. The mind/body connection us the concept that paved the way for most of today s personal empowerment programs. Turn crises into creative opportunities, dehypnotize yourself from false beliefs, and celebrate new freedom from fear and guilt.  Testimonials and stories are interspersed with advice from author Maxwell Maltz, as well as techniques for relaxation and visualization.

Psycho-Cybernetics introduced Maltz’s view that a person must have an accurate and positive view of one’s self before setting goals, otherwise he or she will get stuck in a continuing pattern of limiting beliefs. His ideas focus on visualizing one’s goals. He believed that self-image is the cornerstone of all the changes that take place in a person. If one’s self-image is unhealthy, or faulty, all of his or her efforts will end in failure.

William Walker Atkinson, Richard Ingalese, Opheil and many others, have written books on the power of the mind to attract what one thinks about, and these books are still popular and available at bookstores. Other known authors are Joseph Murphy, Napoleon Hill and Wallace D. Wattle. Shakti Gawain also wrote an excellent book on the subject and popularized the term “Creative Visualization“. All of these books are about what is now termed The Law of Attraction or The Secret.

So what is this secret?

An underlying principle of The Law of Attraction is that the Universe is neutral. What you get from the Universe what you’re a vibrational match to. This means that if you were raised with negative core values as a child, and grew up to be a person of low self esteem, then you’re getting negative stuff you don’t want from the Universe because you are in sync with negative vibrations, rather than positive vibrations.  In other words,  you must also be out of sync with what you do want or you’d be already enjoying it.

According to The Law of Attraction everything in your current reality is a perfect vibrational match to you.  If you want something different then you have to change your vibration to make what you do want ie. positive stuff in order for it to be part of your reality.

In Subjective Reality Q & A, Steve Pavlina contributes this:  Subjective reality is a belief system in which (1) there is only one consciousness, (2) you are that singular consciousness, and (3) everything and everyone in your reality is a projection of your thoughts. We create our own reality.  We attract those things in our life (money, relationships, employment) that we focus on. People who are efficient in attracting positives have trained their minds to focus on their desires and abundance comes to them naturally. They wouldn’t blink an eye if someone suggested they don’t deserve something, because it isn’t part of their reality.

The Law Of Attraction and The Law Of Resistance

In his book The Law of Attraction, Michael Losier suggests changing your perception around statements that activate its counterpart, The Law of Resistance. He suggests beginning to move towards making vibrational change with an exercise that amounts to making two columns: one that lists everything that you don’t like or don’t want; and one that reframes the resistance-filled statement with one that contains what you do want.

The following steps are to replace negative core values with positive ones thereby  so shift your focus from your feelings of lack, and toward feelings of gratitude and abundance.  The idea is to believe in yourself  and know that you can make whatever changes in your life you want by  creatively visualizing what you want and focusing on it.

The love of money: believe, request, receive

There are many different  LOA “gurus” and they all have their own programs including  pamphlets, ebook and videos, workshops, etc.  Some are focused on instructing their acolytes to jettison the work ethic as clinging to it will means you will remain “stuck”.  They encourage creatively visualizing enjoying  what you love and then believing, requesting, and receiving wealth  from the Universe.  focusing on it. For example, if  making money easily is what you’d love to do, then focus on it and attract it to you like a magnet attracts metal filings.

I have posted a link to some videos at the end of this post for those who wish to view them.

A recent survey of “Wealth Beyond Reason” students asked the question: “What are you finding most frustrating about attracting what you want utilizing what you know about the Law of Attraction?” As a result, a series of videos addressing the top responses was created.

The first two videos explain how to stay focused on your desire in the midst of “real life circumstances”… the next video deals with the issue of knowing what you really want when you start to intentionally create your life by design …

a further video deals with the critical issue of being held back by limiting beliefs that act as resistance against what you’re trying to attract … and the final video deals with the tricky subject of money.
Personal Development Videos – Law of Attraction

Core beliefs: Would you care to share?

It’s a quirk of human nature that we maintain our beliefs by selectively exposing ourselves to information that we already know is likely to support those beliefs. Yet, when we remove the emotional elements and take the time to gather information on the opposite side of any issue we are more likely to come to different conclusions. This is why it’s not surprising that gut responses based on deeply held core beliefs are not always the most accurate.

I’m aware that every decision I make is based on my core beliefs. To open my mind I review my core beliefs in an ongoing process I quiz myself about each one by asking myself  why I believe it. Next I imagine that I don’t exactly believe it any more, but instead believe something marginally different, and then marginally different again.

My  core beliefs are unique to me and my friend’s core beliefs are unique to them.  An open mind is comfortable with  the differences, and also capable of using a variety of lenses to view any issue from many angles.   So I ask you, my readers, if you would care to  share whether or not you have re-examined the core beliefs you were inculcated with as a child and replaced the negative with positive.

* This post was inspired by the repeated  personal attacks I was subjected to by an  LOA acolyte who became nasty in a  forum thread.