by guest blogger buddhaofhollywood
broken cigarette
One little trivia fact about the life behind the iron curtain – when the Berlin wall was still up – Everybody smoked.
I had my first cigarette when I was about 5 or 6 I can’t even remember and by the time I was in high school I was a full fledge smoker. In college I was up to two packs a day and we did not smoke ultra lights, we smoke the most vile, stinky, cheap but potent crap.
We called them “coffin nails” and not because the government warnings – there was none – but because the shit was so bad, that everybody knew it was killing people.
Years latter, after defecting to USA I decided to quit smoking.
My immigrant friends were in shock. “You are quitting smoking now when you can buy “Americans” at the supermarket. Are you nuts?”
The “Americans” were the most prized of all cigarettes, so much so that they were used as hard currency and bribes to open all doors – behind the iron curtain.
Since I am a very hard headed guy I decided to quit smoking cold turkey.
Three days later, in the middle of the night, I was driving to the nearest gas station to buy a pack of “Americans”. I couldn’t believe it. I thought I had the will of a bull. I thought quit smoking was nothing compare with the difficult decisions I have made and the hard battles I have won in my life. How could a little cigarette be so strong?
For the next couple of years I have quit a hundred times, each time with the same result.
My best performance was 5 days, but by then I turned into such unbearable asshole, that my friends decided to revoke my friendship until I started smoking again.
Finally I had to admit to myself. “I am too weak to quit smoking”
In my humiliating defeat I made a last gesture: I decided, since I couldn’t quit smoking, that I would light up only when I felt like really, really having a cigarette.
See, most of my pack a day smoking habit was social, or pure habit. I was actually not enjoying smoking. Especially the morning coughs and the bad breath.
Something extraordinary then happened to me. From one pack a day I dropped to a half and from half to a quarter and pretty soon I was smoking one pack a week!
I wasn’t even pushing it. I was just being very honest to my self. Each time I would reach for a cigarette I would ask myself: “Do I really, really want this?” and most of the time I would postpone the smoke for latter.
After about a month I reached for my back pocket and pulled out a squashed pack of Camels – non filter – There were 2 or 3 cigarettes left. The tobacco was so dry that had fallen out and I had to roll up the ends of one to smoke it. Then I asked myself “Do I really want this?” And the answer was “Never”. I didn’t even have to postpone it any longer.
I throw away the pack and I have never smoked again since.
I couldn’t believe it. I actually procrastinated myself out of smoking!
What I couldn’t accomplish with my super will power I accomplish with my weakness.
How the hell did that happened?
There is this American saying: “Pull yourself by the straps of your boots!”
That is a very bad, mentally retarded advice! It is like saying; lift yourself by pulling your hair. It doesn’t work.
Just think about it. When you are trying to change a habit – like smoking – you are fighting against yourself. – Actually yourself plus the nicotine. The more will power you have the harder the fight. The more will power you have the more likely you will loose the fight. It is the less strong headed people, the very malleable and suggestible people, which can quit cold turkey. – No offence guys!
To change a strong willed person you need a power greater than his will.
It is on that principle that 12 steps program – like AA – work. You surrender to the higher power and will of God.
What about changing your habits through procrastination?
Well, that seems to work too. At least for my smoking problem.
You can give it a try. Afterwards; why waste a valuable talent?
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I really enjoyed both your story here and the lesson. You have lived an interesting life.
I too relate to the power in admitting to my weaknesses. There is great peace and “turn around” in one’s life when we can do this. I love that feeling of finally letting go and saying I can’t do any more, Or I can’t do this on my own. Although I’ve never smoked and don’t drink or have other common addictions, I face this with my often overwhelming work demands. Where I push and push trying to be all things to all people until I am working 16 hour days 7 days a week and can’t possibly do any more. Then to finally say, I can’t do this anymore. If it all falls apart, so be it.
Lately I have reached a place of peace where I just let go and that’s THAT. I refuse to meet any more demands. I choose to have a Life and take time for myself, which I REALLY enjoy and have always done in the past. I have found that those who love and/or enjoy my work still hang in with me, and that the world is forced to slow down with me. And if they don’t they don’t, BUT I am at peace. Accepting our limitations or weaknesses is SUCH a peaceful and powerful feeling.
I loved the story of how you quit. It is a great practice that you used. It could be applied to people who want to lose weight or quit drinking. I am proud of you and thankful for sharing this prat of your life.
Robin Eastons last blog post..Is There Life on Earth?
@Robin
Buddha is away right now so I’m approving your comment and replying to let you know he’s not available. I also found a lot of value in his article. I’m surrendering a weakness right now and simply acknowledging the need to let go of trying to change, and allowing change take its inevitable course from within to without.
Your post could not have come at a more appropriate time. I am going through a bad patch with my smoking habit and have just restarted after having been off cigarettes for three months!
rummusers last blog post..Page Rank 3
@rummuser
You aren’t alone. Cigarettes are horribly addictive and so is the habit of smoking itself. Did you know that most smokers make up to 10 tries to finally quit? I think the starting point is to accept the fact that like an alcoholic you are addicted and will remain addicted for the rest of your life and then proceed to move towards quitting. I think the approach in this post may be the way to go and it’s certainly worth a try. Best wishes for your success and a curse on the tobacco industry for covering up the truth about the health effects for so very long. Cigarettes kill and the fact that our governments are not willing to give up the taxes on them by banning them or to divert those funds into providing health care treatment for those who suffer the ill effects peeves me right off.
We all do stupid things when we are young, and starting to smoke was one of mine.
I have tried to quite more than 10 times, so many times in fact, I couldn’t begin to come up with a number, so hopefully that means I’m closer, ya think? I have tried Wellbutrin, the patch, both, hypnosis, some little computer gadget I don’t remember what they called it, and quitting cold turkey. This is one thing I have not tried, so what the heck.
Wish me luck!
searchingwithins last blog post..A Message From Inside
@searchingwithin
Well that makes two of us … lol :P
I knew an elderly gentleman that smoked 4 packs a day, at one point. He said many years ago he went to a doctor that put a little metal clip on his ear, and he never desired another cigarette after that. I don’t remember what he told me, as far as how long he had to wear it, but it works on the order of acupuncture.
searchingwithins last blog post..“I Love You, But I’m Not IN LOVE With you” Is A Cop Out
This also came to me at such an appropriate time.I find myself at a point in my life where I actually can take the time to do some things for ME. Kids are grown and out of the house finds me with more time to think about what may be best for me. I started mother hood at such a young age, and devoted my life to it.I find myself alone now and I have BIG dreams, some conceivable, others just dreams, but right now quitting smoking is the single most important thing for me, with a quit date in my head of March 1st, I do believe that the step of simply asking myself when I go to light up how bad do I really want this cigarette may and hopefully give me a jump start on my march 1st quit date. Thanks for the post. I am so thankful I found it!
Wind Dancer
Wind Dancers last blog post..Never tell a soul
@searchingwithin
I have a friend who had a small ball bearing injected into his ear lobe that worked this acupressure does. It worked fine for him in the sense that when he felt he needed to smoke he pressed on it. A few months later when he thought he was “cured” he had it removed and within weeks was back to smkoing again.
@wind dancer
I think your idea of preparing ahead of time is a good one. I wish you all the best in this struggle because I know how very hard it is. I have managed to cut my smoking down to 7 cigarettes per day but I still have a long way to go. I have always used having a cigarette break as though it was a reward. I have tried taking the break and drinking cranberry juice or green tea instead but I still longed to puff. However, I’m determined to make it this time using buddha’s method. I’m asking myself if I really need this smoke right now or if I couldn’t just wait a bit longer. That’s how I got from 20 cigarettes per day down to 7 and it’s how I’m going to keep working my way down, down, down to zero.