Do you love yourself?

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are … and that’s alright. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

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You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

Yes, I do love myself. I view self-love as a condition of awareness, a way of perceiving, an attitude, which results in an integrated perception of the world. I believe the art of loving yourself begins with self-acceptance. You begin loving yourself when you stop rejecting yourself, especially on the emotional level. And when you practice self-acceptance of your feelings as they are right now, you will experience real changes in consciousness.

Consciousness shift

When you love yourself you will no longer try to juggle people or possessions in the external world in order to find inner fulfillment. You will no longer live a life focused on clinging to attachments and aversions. You no longer look to a big guy in the sky to send in a savior to rescue you from becoming intimately acquainted with your own true nature. You find fulfillment from within, simply by accepting, without acting out, your feelings just as they are right now.

Core Beliefs and The Four Agreements

Everything we do is based on core beliefs and agreements we have made – agreements with ourselves, with other people, with  with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth. The simple ideas of The Four Agreements provide an inspirational code for life; a personal development model, and a template for personal development, behaviour, communications and relationships.


Learning how to love yourself is all about empowerment. Once you welcome all your true feelings, you become whole and your life becomes holistic. You experience oneness with others. You no longer compulsively search for oneness in the external world, whether with another person, or with a supernatural being (imaginary friend) in a future life. Instead you begin to experience oneness with all beings because once you can love yourself unconditionally, you become capable of loving others unconditionally too.

Action Plan

(1)    Accept yourself for who you are and learn to love yourself just as you are;

(2)    Accept your feelings and examine them closely so you can understand yourself mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually;

(3)    Learn to direct your mind, body and emotions;

(4)    Uncover core beliefs leftover from your childhood and replace the negative with positive;

(5)    Strengthen your inner self and begin changing what you do not like about yourself;

(6)    Witness the change in your self-esteem and self-confidence levels and celebrate your progress;

(7)    Allow yourself to accept and others exactly as they are;

(8)    Seek common ground but always celebrate differences;

(9)   Practice The Four Agreements.

Hat Tip  shawie9877


  1. […] When you love yourself you can enjoy being with another person for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive or you think you are incomplete without them. In a balanced relationship of equals you grant your partner the freedom to be themselves, to stretch and grow or to wither and stagnate and they do the same in return because that is the ultimate result of love–unconditional love. The stronger you are as a friend the stronger,  more equal and enduring your relationship will be. […]

  2. You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

    That is put perfectly.. when we drop our expectations of others or expectations we believe we should receive from others, we are all going to be better off. Do what you do, because you want to, you want to improve yourself and the environment around you! Plain & Simple

    Susies last blog post..Sketch from Photo

  3. i really appreciate the action plan you provided. many times an article will have great theories, but no way to actually apply them.
    this is hwy i appreciate the action steps so much.

    so far i have found that simply opening up and allowing the change to happen is really all that we need to do. everything thing else will take care of itself. we just make the choice with in, the outer soon conforms.

  4. A great book about learning to love yourself, and one that frankly helped to change my life and way of relating to family and coworkers is called Overcoming Codependance by Pia Melody.

    I don’t think I would have been able to love myself and others properly if it hadn’t been spelled out so brilliantly by Pia. I would recommend it highly to anyone on a journey of learning to love oneself and others.

    vfosdals last blog post..Obesity – Controlled By Brain Not Genes

  5. I love the action plan you have shared. I repeat over and over the serenity prayer…it centers me. I am practicing accepting myself and accepting what needs to be fine tuned. :) I also believe in monitoring my emotions regularly. Self monitoring is essential for my emotional health. :) Take care Timethief! You are wise!

  6. @rummuser
    Thanks so much for your comment. I truly appreciate it. I your comment in the spam filter because you supplied only and email address and no blog url. Please include the blog url next time so this doesn’t happen again. Best wishes.

  7. I really love your blog (by that I mean the whole thing not just this post), I have lived the Four Agreements for several years now and I automatically live the principles daily. I occasionally have to remind myself to be impeccable with my word, you know things like, I will call you later, or we should get together soon or I will check out your blog :D. In fact a friend of mine just corrected me on the word Incredible as in not credible. I keep saying that when I actually mean amazing, anyway, i could go on forever, just wanted to check you out, see you around.


    Tabss last blog post..Get Yourself a Hobby – Daily Vigilance

  8. @Lana
    I had the same experience when I finally broke through all the crud and was able to love myself it was like walking into the light after years of dwelling in the darkness.

    Congrats! on the new camera. How exciting that must be. :)

  9. @Sheila
    I’m glad to see that you found my blog and I’m happy to hear that you liked this post. If we can’t love our “self” and become our own best friend then we have nothing to offer to others. It’s really that simple.

  10. @Victorine
    I understand what you are describing. It’s a difficult change to make but I’m so glad you have done it. I’m happy to hear that you like my blog and that you will return. Thanks so much for sharing your comments.

  11. I have learned so much over the last few years and these years have been exceptionally tough. Those tough years CAN be great teachers!

    I was a former people pleaser. It took me a long time to realize that I can’t please everyone. Not everyone will love or even like me. I accept that now. It took me a long time.

    I will visit your blog more frequently, I really enjoyed it…so very informative and enlightening!

  12. as a former people pleaser, it has taken me a long time to get to the point where I accept that some people will not love or even like me. I realize that I can’t control everything but I can control my responses to incidences. I can control my emotions. I cannot control other people.

    I’ve learned a lot over the last few years. & the last few years have been exceptionally tough. Tough times CAN be a time for learning great lessons!

  13. Timethief
    Thank you for sharing your article. It actually made me feel warm inside. I do love my self, no to the point of it’s all about me and not anyone else. But I do like the way I look, well for the most part. minus a few nooks and crannys

    After reading about what your mother did to you, I am so sorry. If I would have lived with my uncle long enough, he was starting to do the same thing to me. After my mom died when I was 16, he took over and let me tell you, it was no fun ride. And ya know, I can see more of who he is and just how not good of a christian he claims to be.

    Thanks for sharing

    Sheilas last blog post..Elf Yourself

  14. When I finally loved myself, it was as though the sun rose for the first time in my life. I functioned at a higher level than ever before, more efficient, happier, etc., etc. It sure has made life a lot easier, too!

    Lanas last blog post..My New Camera + Art

  15. Your are such wise and wonderful people. It’s amazing what insight and what points of intersection there are in the comments you have honored me with.

    Loving yourself without judgment, accepting who you are be it happy or sad, being able to be with yourself and enjoying it, loving how you relate to the outside world to others and to life in general, is a lifetime undertaking. It’s a balancing act. What having this head injury has presented me with is a keen awareness that I need to practice the art of loving myself without expectation.

    Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for sharing your individual journey to your heart center with me. I am honored.


  16. Yeah, we have to love to ourselves. Sometimes we forget to do that. Just look in the mirror every morning, and say it to the person you see in the mirror, “what a great person you are”.

  17. Oh TT this is lovely. And so important. If we all loved ourselves there would be no wars, no hate, no crime, etc. I have grown much better at this as I get older. I don’t beat up on Robin any more and I don’t allow anyone else to beat up on me.

    One of my brothers, who is very loving to himself, once said to me: “I don’t let anyone treat me in any way that I would not treat myself.”

    In other words people have to treat me how I treat myself now, or I don’t let them in my space. It does not mean they can’t be honest but they cannot abuse me….not even energetically.

    I used to think that if I made a mistake or hurt someone when I wasn’t thinking that they had a right to beat up on me. Not anymore. We all make mistakes and they have right to discuss it with or tell me that it hurt them, etc. But I won’t let them “punish” me. As I said we all make mistakes but punishment is not a loving act. AND it is not even a loving act on my part to allow someone to punish me. Because I am telling them that it’s okay the beat up on people and that contributes to their pain and illness and downfall.

    Occasionally I can get broadsided but I always come back to this question. “Would I let someone treat my child this way?” Although I don’t have children, it gives me instant perspective.

    Since bringing this change of love into my life, I’ve become very aware of the level of accepted abuse between spouses, so called friends, co-workers, etc. And when I address it with: “This is not appropriate behavior or loving behavior, people will sometimes say, ‘Oh you’re just overly sensitive.'”

    No. I am wonderfully sensitive and will not go to that level of accepted verbal, mental or energetic abuse. It’s no longer funny, cool or accepted in my presence. Kind of like when people make supposed racial or gay jokes…I don’t laugh. I won’t confirm the “okay-ness” of that for anyone.

    Thank you for such a lovely and thought provoking sharing.
    It is the KEY.
    Love and hearts you beautiful soul,

    Robin Eastons last blog post..Through Wild Eyes

  18. I don’t basically lack self-confidence. In fact, I am always super-confident! My problem is, I do not know where and when to draw the line between! Well, To put it in simple terms, if I am loving myself right now, I think I am overdoing it. This makes me egoistic and destroys my total character. I have been facing this problem for a long time now. Can you please come up with a post that would help people like me?

    rampanthearts last blog post..Are we escaping reality?

  19. Timethief,

    learning to love ourselves is quite a journey. For some people, this occurs naturally–particularly if they have the type of nurturing, guidance, and support during those crucial informative years that all children deserve. For those of us who didn’t have that, we have to journey our way to loving ourselves.

    If I had to name only one thing that helped me the most, throughout my journey of recovery, it is the serenity prayer–and this has been true in my journey toward self-love.

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    There are certain things about myself that I simply cannot change (my nose, my wide (child bearing–lol) hips, and other physical attributes. I also can’t change certain health conditions that I have. But I am able to change many things about myself, including my thought patterns, my belief in myself, etc.

    Today, I work on changing/improving those things I can control–and all the rest, I must learn to accept.

    Take care,


    Melindas last blog post..Remembering Kent

  20. yes, loving yourself is truly greatly beneficial for your self esteem.

    written in the “action plan”, the number one point: “Accept yourself for who you are and learn to love yourself just as your are”

    i dont know when will i be able to do that. over the years i’ve done some things which i’m not proud of and i dont know if i can accept myself with that burden hanging on to my shoulders.


    irtizas last blog post..Women’s Right – A Neglected Issue

  21. I would love to be able to “sort” myself out. I’ve found that the older I get, the more I “know” myself…and I’m not likin’ it. I don’t go around hating myself or anything and I’m basically an optimistic, happy, peace-loving person, but I think that I’m also selfish and my whole life I’ve hidden that fact from others by acquiescing. I find it hard to “accept” myself as being selfish.

    BTW, I love this post as it makes me think about things I shove in the back of my mind!

    roadgurl5s last blog post..Lucy’s friend, Nellie

  22. What a great post :)
    It definitely echoes everything I am being taught in my counselling diploma.

    I am glad you have emphasised the word practice, because its sometimes hard to realise that it takes actual hard work to change how you perceive yourself. I am only just realising that myself now and even the little work I have done so far is very rewarding :)

    Claires last blog post..Blurgh,phooey and meh update in doodles.

  23. TT, first of all, thank you for the wonderful dedication. Loving myself took a long time; a very long time. Thanks to my parents, it was only during this past year, that I truly realized exactly just how short life is, really realized it, and so made the conscious decision to embrace the whole that is me…warts and all. So little time we have on this earth, and I have elected to not spend it on self-loathing. Like I have said before, although you have adopted the moniker for yourself, we are all TimeThieves. And, when all over and done with, I’d like to be known as one of the biggest bandits of them all. Love to you, my dear friend – Nards

    Nardss last blog post..Song of the day: The Prayer- Part II David Foster and Carol Bayer Sager

  24. I think this is a lovely post. I joined in with the thread “do you love youself?” with the answer that I quite like me but I really don’t spend too much time thinking about it now. I guess there is a reason for that, I am with someone who allows me to be myself on every level. I am content and happy and it shows. The frightening thing is, it is a lot down to one person who supports me and loves me and because he makes me feel so good, I don’t really take too much notice of those that put me down.
    However, I don’t forget that I was with someone for three years too long who put me down every step of the way. It was only when I broke away I realised that this was because, I made “him” feel inadequate. In hindsight, he was drawn to me by my qualities and then after a while he feared them. I also have an inkling that this is what your Mom experienced. You are too clever, too good, too beautiful…when you realise this, it becomes easier to understand…
    I could also discuss other aspects of this at great length, but it would make for one heck of a long comment!

  25. @Tamera
    I do the same. I’m cooking right along and then someone becomes needy and works piles up and more demands are made on my time. I push “me” onto the back burner without even noticing I’ve done it. Then when I start to boil over inside, I stop and shake my head recognizing that I’m half baked and I start all over again. Life just keeps presenting us with the same lessons over and over until we learn them.

    I learned a Sufi chant that I sing:
    Come, come wherever you are
    Even though you’ve broken your vows a thousand times
    Come, come again.

    Love & peace :)

  26. @Judith
    I hear you. When I was young all I ever heard was negative feedback from my mom. Yet, when we were in the presence of others she bragged about my accomplishments. The basic rant was along these lines:
    “You don’t deserve to be loved – you are a sinner, but God loves you anyway so you must give your heart to Jesus in order to be saved. If you do not give Jesus your heart and believe on him, then you will be thrown into the hellfires at the end of time, because only true believers have a place in heaven with the Lord.”

    Learning to live with and constantly find better ways to cope with these fear based and ignorant false beliefs gives a child no opportunity to discover ways to question them or to change them. This is the consequence of brainwashing – your senses are so tied up, bound and distorted by the false belief that you literally cannot see the positive reality in front of you. You do not “know” your “self” and you cannot love your “self” and encourage your “self” to grow and become the best “self” that you can be to yourself or to others until you can break free, revisit those core beliefs and replace negative with positive.

    I’m happy to hear that your strive each day to be true to yourself because you aren’t alone. I do the same.

    Peace & love

  27. I think this is a life project for me. I keep falling off the wagon ;o) (LOL), especially during those times when I put myself last on the priority list. It causes exhaustion, and then I don’t always like myself too much. It’s one of those, “Geesh! I did it again! When will I ever learn”?

    Tameras last blog post..Applauding Sheila Bair

  28. Replacing the negative with positive is where it hits home for me. So many negative reinforcements when I was a child… so much hate. It has taken me a lifetime to try to rise above and find my peace, and I feel like I am finally coming to a place of understanding….. and it helps that my family of origin has burned away and is no longer in my life.

    I strive every day to be true to myself in a way that no one has ever been.

    Fantastic post.

    Judith HeartSongs last blog post..have you hugged a shop clerk today?

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