This weekend my partner and I decided that we needed some time to get our firewood all cut and stacked before the fireban that prohibits the use of power tools in the bush goes into effect. As we heat our home with an airtight woodstove this is a very important job that cannot be done at any other time of the year. And, as we work every Saturday morning at the Farmers’ market from the May long weekend until Thanksgiving long weekend, we decided that taking one Saturday off and allowing another vendor to use our spot was the way to go.
After a brief 5 AM wake-up, wash-up and breakfast, we headed out and returned several times with truckloads of wood before the heat of the day arrived, and the early shift only fireban went into effect at noon. You can imagine our surprise when we found uninvited relatives sitting on our step ready to enjoy the whole weekend with us.
Suffice to say that we were hot, sweaty and not impressed by the drop-ins. Pleasantries were exchanged and coffee and baked goods were offered and consumed, and maps were provided so the company could go about entertaining themselves by seeing the sites, and we could use the rest of the day the way we had planned to use it.
After an hour of small talk when there was no indication that they were getting ready to leave and book a room in a bed and breakfast I provided a fist full of brochures for bed and breakfast accommodations. Then I excused myself so I could do the next job on my list, which was writing a promotional post for a new music blog that a friend has launched. That’s when I discovered that I had no internet connection. I then spent 2 hours getting phone support to restore the connection and working from my husband’s computer as I did so. His computer lacks my bookmarks so I was limited in what I could do. Finally, the ISP connection was made to my own computer the ADSL link was working. My partner was ready to sand the floors and I was ready to blog, or so I thought.
We heard a vehicle in the driveway and sure enough they were back. The story was that the bed and breakfasts were too expensive so they hadn’t booked into one. The idea was that we were supposed to become a hotel. The problem was that all our furniture is stacked up and most rooms are not usable because my husband’s project was to strip the maple hardwood and re-surface it. We explained that we were very sorry they had not called first but we could not accommodate them. We provided camping gear and suggested they call the campground to book a spot. That didn’t appeal so they lingered on and yammered on until it was near to supper time. Finally, I said: “Our whole day has slipped away on us and we have work to do. I’m afraid you will have to leave.” They left and we waved good bye thinking they had left the community. This was not the case and within 3 hours they were back again and setting up camp in our yard.
I’m going to break off this story now because I feel an ugly rant coming on. To make a long story short my I have a come and go ADSL line happening and I’m not a happy camper. The plans we had for the weekend were ruined by two miserable old farts, who did not call before dropping in. Oh right, and when they left they said to us: “Just drop in anytime you’re down our way.”
It takes either a float plane and/or one ferry plus hours of driving to get to where they live. We will not be dropping in on them and they know that. I’m so peeved off today that I have no inclination towards blogging at all even though my ADSL line now seems to be working fine again. AAAARRRGGGHH!
you become very articulate when you’re angry…….:)
xh
I am so sorry that your day was hijacked by unexpected visitors (!!) and internet problems. I would not react well to a surprise visit myself, even if my house was in visitor condition. Hope things go more smoothly for you over the next week.
Love,
Jennifer
Good for you telling them to leave, I would have done the same. Are they dense or just plain rude? It’s one thing to drop by but another to invite yourself for dinner or sleep. Sorry your weekend didn’t turn out the way you had planned, maybe some other time…
Eee gads, you can’t even call them the guests from hell because they weren’t bona fide guests! There is a sitcom on TV that I’ve never seen, something to do with a hick named Earl. Your weekend sounds like it could be an episode in such a show. I find it astounding that they returned to camp in your yard! This is one of those stories that will become funny with space and time…….LOTS of space, lots of time!
@soulMerlin
Most times when I am angry I can become an icemaiden. I tend to become extremely stiff and formal. On a few occasions I have become red hot and shouted obscenities. For two days I was on the edge of becoming really forthright and today I wondered why I held back.
After I wrote the blog post I went to the store and purchased a beautiful greeting card and in it I wrote my message which clearly stated we will no longer welcome uninvited guests be they kith or kin. You have a telephone so please use it and allow us to make appropriate arrangements at a time when it’s best for us to entertain you.
After I walked to the mailbox and mailed it I discovered among the used, dirty camping gear a beautiful shawl that I made as a gift for my niece had been taken from my bedroom closet and dragged through the grass and grime into the tent. I was so angry I wept.
Tonight I’m still angry and what that tells me is that I ignored my true feelings and stifled myself when I shouldn’t have. Never again. If there is another time, GOB freaking forbid, I will let go with a volley that will make sailors faint. Aaarrggghhhh!
Thanks for commenting and may peace be with you and me too.
@Jennifer
‘m so angry that I choked down how I truly felt. I should have had the courage to have spoken up loudly and strongly. I betrayed myself and that above all else is what made me angry. The saying “if you don’t have anything nice to say then say nothing at all” is garbage.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I intend to pretend that it’s the first day of the week and start anew. As we were unable to rent the floor sander prior to noon when the place closed we now have the same scenario minus visitors approaching on this coming weekend. Sigh.
Thanks for caring. Love and peace be with you.
@stinkypaw
They are not dense. They are defiant. It’s their custom that family are allowed to drop in at any time day or night and be treated like royalty. In this regard I am the black sheep and believe me when I say that if there is a next time I will be more likely to resemble a wolf than a ewe. lol :P
Thanks for the visit and for your comment.
Take good care.
Sorry you’ve had a crappy, interrupted day. *hug* That doesn’t happen to me much anymore, considering that my closest family’s 3 states over & my closest friends are in another country. Still, I can sympathize!
timethief. Ooooh boy! *nightmare*, and a *giggle* because I recognize myself through your reactions in your post. Regarding your comment reply to soul merlin, you are right on target. So, remember it already!!!!!!!!! (haha) I know, I know. It sometimes slips the mind in the heat of the moment. You go, girl! I’m behind you all the way.
BTW. I absolutely love your header here on the blog.
I don’t think I would have had the courage to do what you did. I am usually more subtle and worry, perhaps too much about hurting other people, even at my own peril! However, if I ever felt as strongly as you did, I probably would have blurted out whatever was on my mind too.
For years I was surrounded by highly insensitive and selfish people ( I am being very kind in my choice of words), but I have learned to shed those individuals from my life…slowly. Now, I “choose” to attract and maintain relationships with people I respect and respect me. No I don’t have a prepared list of criteria, but I do survey carefully and follow my heart and “gut.” My life has improved dramatically and my life has been enriched.
You definitely had a quite eventful day! :) Hope everything is better.
You handled it far better than I would have. I hate people who just drop by, even if they think they’re going to pop in for a cup of coffee. I’d have been extremely unhappy if two people showed up expecting to be housed – and I’d have expressed it in no uncertain terms.
Sorry this happened to you.
Oh, timethief! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry! My relatives, and most close friends know better than to do this. I’ll occasionally get a call like: “We find yourselves just a few miles from your home! Isn’t that wonderful?” To which I reply “I’m sorry you didn’t know several days in advance! I would have been able to plan to have dinner with you near a hotel I could recommend.” LOL. It sounds liked you handled it well. We’re all taught to be “nice”. Sometimes it’s hard to realize Nice does not equal Doormat. Good for you! Bad for them! I’m so sorry about your lovely shawl, though. :(
@Lana
Thanks for the hug. FWIW we moved a whole province and over 1300 miles away from them. Then they decided to retire out here on the coast. :(
@Lydia
I have never been so close to becoming outrageously rude and nasty in my whole life. I didn’t like them or their behavior but I also didn’t like the thoughts I was thinking either. I actually prayed on Saturday night (I’m not a Christian) that it would rain on them so they would go home. When I admitted that to my partner on Sunday morning he laughed and said it wouldn’t have worked, instead they would be here in the house with us. He was right. :(
@Pentad
Arrggghhhh! What more can I say? I wasn’t true to myself. I made myself angry and gave myself a splitting headache for two days in a row because I was gutless. :(
@fearlessblog
I have done what you described and have distanced myself from people I didn’t want in my life. However, I have relatives who stick like glue. I hadn’t seen these ones for over 5 years and they decided that they would come to see me. I feel like my safe castle ie. my home was invaded by occupying forces. I’m pretty sure the greeting card I sent will prevent them from “dropping in” again., I hope. :(
@ella
So you feel the same way too, eh. It’s good to know from all your folks that you don’t think I was wrong about how I felt or what I said. Sheesh … I’m like you I never drop in on anyone, not even for coffee. I always call and ask if it’s a good time or not. :(
@musededitions
I carefully washed the mohair shawl in cold water soap today and it’s laying flat to dry on our deck table under a pad of old clean towels. It’s not torn or stained but it was a special present for my niece. When I go to my sister’s wedding in August I will deliver it to her. I’m still flabberghasted that my aunt would open my closet doors and help herself to it. :(
Coming from someone whos only heat source is wood, I do understand your frustration you felt at your unexpected guest. I live in California and we already have what we call Hoot-Owl . which for us means the woods close at noon. I remember being younger and I guess more care-free when people just would drop in. I find it very disrespectful now. I believe your guests were the “timethiefs”
You handled it well.
PEACE!!!
Moon-Writer
This was SO SO SO good for me to read. I am VERY VERY VERY glad you wrote it. LOL I know this feeling so well. And I have been through this many times in the past. But I now really work at protecting my space, even if it means losing so called friends or family.
I can relate to how you feel. Since I work at home people would stop in, drop in and crash in any time of day or night. Then throw in the Jehovah’s Witnesses and a few other religious “solicitors”, the kids selling candy or magazines for school trips, door to door sales people, people asking for directions, the mail people ringing at every package left on the doorstep (even if it didn’t need signing) and I was ready to walk out. I finally put a bright pink sign on my door that said: “Do NOT Ring Bell or Knock on Door. Thank You.” But some people STILL do it…they would tap on the window…can you believe it? (now my sign includes ‘window’) LOL If they do any of those I ignore them.
I tell my friends it’s by appt/prior plans only. I lived almost all my adult life in the wild, except for the last 10 or so years, and I do not tolerate this kind of constant stream of intrusion. It seems to be largely accepted here in American culture. And yet everywhere I go I hear people saying they are so overwhelmed and just want some down time….and yet they answer every phone ring, door knock and email that even glances at them. I just refuse to anymore. I don’t care who it is. I can have a peaceful life or a “dog’s breakfast” (chaos) and I am going for peace.
I am so sorry about your shawl. I too make them and they are a lot of work. This post was so good for me because next time this type of situation arises I will think: “Nope…no more! There is woman up in the northwoods who feels the same as me. So I can be really bold here.” It doesn’t mean I can’t be polite but I sure as halva will continue to be very direct and firm.
I thank you for being this open and taking the time to share this. I am deeply honored and grateful…..and I completely know how you feel. Before moving to the southwest I too did all the firewood thing and the “get ready for winter thing”. I still garden, pickle, can, freeze, and have so many other projects going. I live a very very full life. I don’t even watch TV – don’t even own one. This life that I’ve been given is a sacred gift. How I choose to spend it is of vital importance to me. And since the life/gift was given to me I get to choose how I WANT to spend it.
Also, the extent of our reactionary anger/grief in these type of situations shows us how badly we really needed that time and space….how real and necessary it is to have that…and the boundaries that give it to us. Our reaction is our body’s way of telling us what it really needed and didn’t get. Which leads me to really see that it’s REAL what we need. I pray that I will continue to become better at setting boundaries…whether anyone else understands them or not. And I pray that I will learn to set them before my body becomes over extended and highly distressed. Women especially are trained to be all, do all, for all.
Thank you my dear friend,
A big hug and lots of love,
Robin
PS I LOVE the new header…I think this is a KEEPER!!!!
I would have been screaming inside my head but biting my tongue. Although you held back, you seem to usually speak your mind and I need to get better at doing that. They sure had a lot of nerve!
TT, this hit a raw nerve so directly, that I have been inspired to write a future post on this type of behavior. I have been told by others that I also become extremely formal with each level of anger that I attain; and if, after a while, civility proves not to be effective, I must ashamedly say that I turn “ghetto” (and it ain’t pretty). My parents are experiencing this right now. A relative came with a one-way ticket and no immediate plans to leave. My sister and I will be encouraging their departure sometime later this week. We hope that they get the hint, for their very lives will depend upon it. Brava to you for not accommodating their presumptiousness! – Nards
You handled it very graciously when you asked them to leave. You did much better than I would have done. At that point I think I might have started throwing the logs at them.