Just Passing Through
I walk every morning before sitting down to work at the keyboard and answer the phone while attending to the duties of the day. This year on my walks I have witnessed seven fawns and their moms feeding on my property, their meadows, their forest. I have enjoyed watching them grow and run and jump.
Three mornings ago I came upon a fawn all tangled in a wire fence with three broken legs and screaming in pain. The little one was terrified at the sight of me but I wasn’t there for long. I ran back to the house to get what was required to put and end to the suffering, suffering that obviously had been endured for hours.
Waves sadness overwhelmed me as I used the wire cutters to disengage the bones and tissue and I wept. This was the eldest. He was between 6 and 7 weeks old and he failed to jump high enough to clear the fence. As I sat on the ground I stroked his little body and sang to his spirit from mine while recalling some deer teachings from the longhouse.
The Keywords for the Deer Totem are Gentleness, Innocence. Deer medicine teaches us to use the power of gentleness to touch the hearts and minds of wounded beings who are trying to keep us at bay.
The turkeys vultures, eagles and ravens have now vacated and little is left of the carcass and I remind myself that it was only a container for the spirit of the deer.
What can the appearance of deer signify in my life? Is it a message to be more gentle with myself and others? Does it signify a new innocence and freshness will be awakened or born? Is it a message to be on the look out for more opportunities to express gentle love?
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About timethief
34 Comments on “Just Passing Through”
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A fawn is just like a human. If only we can treat a man like the fawn!
With tears in my eyes I read, then read again, this beautiful post. You and the small deer were kindreds. The way you honored its spirit was such a tender blessing – first to the deer, then you, and then passed on to us because you shared.
In our lot where the three giant sequoias grow I noticed a deer bed earlier this week. Evidently they are jumping over the 4′ wire fence and have made a wonderful soft place out of one of the lower boughs that we’ve allowed to grow to the ground. It’s full of green needles, and to that they have pushed in a padding of dried needles. Just knowing tonight that some deer is out there (maybe more than one) sleeping behind our house brings me such peace.
Thank you for this post.
That is extremely sad and touching at the same time.
I see a lot of wildlife on my hikes and it is indeed beautiful.
I’m not sure I would have been brave enough to have put an end to the fawn’s suffering.
Very touching. Thank you for sharing this.
You’re welcome Joe.
Oh, timethief. So sad and poignant.
So sad.
It is tough sometimes to see how the survival of the fittest weeds out the weaker wildlife. If it were not the fence, maybe a jump over a creek or climbing out of a hole – it seems cruel at times – but it is how the deer family lives on strong. I don’t mean this to sound heartless, but heart felt.
On a totally unrelated point – wow totems have keywords too – and here I thought it was an internet thing! :P
(I probably do have ADD) :))
So wonderful to take a lesson from this beautiful creature. I love your blog.
@footiam
Thanks for sharing that wisdom.
Regarding singing to the deer spirit – I’m guessing we share some Native American heritage between us? My mom’s about 1/4 Cherokee with a rumor of more Choctaw from somewhere back in the Ozarks as well. Very touching, TT. I’m sorry for both you and the deer. At least he is no longer in pain.
@kdawg
My Cree name is Brightfeather. Thanks for commiserating. My profound sadness is about my “self” and not about the fawn.
@lydia
This was hard to share. I’m not very good at sharing the things that hurt with others. I was heartbroken. I’m not a hunter. Taking the responsibility to end a life of this suffering wee animal was not an easy thing for me to do. I’m still broken up about it. That’s why it took me so long to answer these comments.
@Barry
I do understand what you are conveying and I appreciate your comment. There is now a hole in the fence where the deer trail meets it on my property. So whether a deer is tall or small they can pass through without experiencing another “wire caused” tragedy.
@therapydoc
Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate them.
@cooper
There was no bravery involved. There was a choice to either let the suffering go on or to end it. I know I made the correct decision. I was blessed with the opportunity to sing the spirit from the body and to recall the longhouse teachings.
The reason I’m having such a hard time with this because I’m looking at my own self inside and seeing how strong my need for gentle “deer medicine” is. I’m hard on other people it’s true but I’m not as hard on them as I am on myself. I need to work towards dropping the shield I have up and letting people witness how vulnerable and gentle I really am.
@Joe
Thanks for reading and commenting. Sad stories are hard to share so I’m glad you approved of my choice.
@kdawg
Thanks for commiserating. My profound sadness is about my “self” and not about the fawn.
@Jennifer
Thanks so much for the visit and for your understanding. It’s so good to have you as a friend.
@drowseymonkey
Yes it’s sad that his life was so short and sadder still that he suffered such pain. But his spirit is free of his broken body now and for that I’m grateful.
TT, thanks for sharing the touching “real life” event. This reminds me that sometimes pain and beauty are intermingled and that we have to take the bitter with the sweet. One of the toughest lessons I have had to learn and one of the toughest lessons I have ever had to teach to my son. Thank you for sharing. BTW, I LOVE your new pastel water-color heading. It is blissfully beautiful – Nards
@Nards
I really appreciate having the opportunity to read your blog and I know exactly where you are coming from. Life is bitter sweet and no life is without suffering. Through the ups and downs we grow and that growth enables us to reach into ourselves and to reach out to others.
Thanks for the compliment on my header. Last week was a hectic one for me at work and at home. There were some days when the week’s events overwhelmed me and I could not blog no matter how hard I tried so, I made a header and called that good enough. Now I’m playing catch up and I expect my blogging will be up to speed again soon. :)
Bless you! The little fawn knew love and comfort before he passed on! No creature should leave this world without knowing some compassion. I can only hope I wold be as brave! Ya done good! i tried to leave this comment on your fawn story for you. I’m not sure i it worked. Let me know:)
How ironic. Just last week I hit a deer in the middle of a 4-lane highway–a glancing blow, the sickening thump coming against my driver’s side door right over the door handle. Although I swerved–hard right–I could not avoid the impact. I slammed on the brakes, checked my rear view, fully expecting to see a prone carcass on the highway. To my surprise, the beast was running off the highway, back into the woods.
This has haunted me for a week now, wondering how badly the poor creature was injured. And, your touching story has only re-kindled it.
@mariamichelle
I think one common fear we all share is the fear of dying in pain and alone. I’ve been reflecting on that since this incident. I hope that someone gentle and kind will be with me to sing to my spirit as it leaves my body. Thanks for the visit and for your kindness too.
@Jack Payne
I’m thinking that as the deer was able to flee as bruised as it may be it’s in the bush alive and recovering. Or maybe I should say that I’m hoping that. I’ve been concerned about you in the there in fire zone. The impact of the fires on the people, their homes, the environment and the wildlife has been horrific. Take good care until we meet again. .
@Jack Payne
I’m thinking that as the deer was able to flee as bruised as it may be it’s in the bush alive and recovering. Or maybe I should say that I’m hoping that. I’ve been concerned about you in the there in fire zone. The impact of the fires on the people, their homes, the environment and the wildlife has been horrific. Take good care until we meet again.
You are a brave and kind woman, timethief.
@jane
I wasn’t brave, just compassionate. I could not allow that suffering that had gone on for hours to continue.
You did the right thing helping the fawn on it’s way. Does the fence need to be barbed?
I do not use “barbed” wire. It’s awful. Horses and deer always have trouble with wire fencing because they cannot see it as we do. This was graduated field and farm fencing but now there is a missing section right where the deer path meets the fence.
BTW thanks for telling me that you think I did the right thing. I knew in my heart it was the right thing to do but it’s good to hear others agree with me.
A sad but amazing experience…everything happens for a reason don’t you agree… I think you will understand eventually!
@Heather
It’s so nice to hear from you. I already understand. I received that understanding as I sang over the body and I recalled the longhouse teachings.
What can the appearance of deer signify in my life?
It can be a message to be more gentle with myself and others.
It can signify that a new innocence and freshness will be awakened or born.
It can be a message to be on the look out for opportunities to express gentle love that will open new doors.
What a poignant story. Thank you for sharing it; I know that was difficult for you, and I honour your choice to do so.
I’m thinking maybe it’s useful to look at it from the other perspective: why did that deer need YOU to appear? Perhaps you were the one person in the world who would have shepherded it into the next world with the consciousness that it needed.
Also: what a beautiful redesign: how long have you had this look? I don’t recall seeing it before.
@Raincoaster
Thanks for commiserating. I’ve been a guide for other spirits leaving animals in the past and I may be again in the future. SIGH
I made a new header out of an old one. Thanks for the compliment.