Credo for relationships
by Dr. Thomas Gordon (* 1918, † 2002)
You and I are in a relationship, which I value and want to keep. Yet each of us is a separate person with unique needs and the right to meet those needs. When you are having problems meeting your needs I will listen with genuine acceptance so as to facilitate your finding your own solutions instead of depending on mine. I also will respect your right to choose your own beliefs and develop your own values, different though they may be from mine.
However, when your behavior interferes with what I must do to get my own needs met, I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me. Also, whenever some behavior of mine is unacceptable to you, I hope you will tell me openly and honestly so I can change my behavior.
At those times when one of us cannot change to meet the other’s needs, let us acknowledge that we have a conflict and commit ourselves to resolve each such conflict without either of us resorting to the use of power to win at the expense of the other’s losing.
I respect your needs, but I also must respect my own. So let us always strive to search for a solution that will be acceptable to both of us. Your needs will be met, and so will mine – neither will lose, both will win.
In this way, you can continue to develop as a person through satisfying your needs, and so can I. Thus, ours can be a healthy relationship in which both of us can strive to become what we are capable of being. And we can continue to relate to each other with mutual respect, love and peace.
This post was taken from veryheaven with permission: I hope you can share it with people you care about whether it be in a casual email, a card or a gift. Feel free to copy this piece an forward it to anybody in need.
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15 Comments on “Credo for relationships”
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Wonderful piece. If only we could all just get along the world would be a brighter, happier place.
So excellent. Thank you for getting permission to print it on your blog and for encouraging us to share it. I will.
Would that every relationship followed the credo …
I agree that it would be wonderful if we all observed this credo.
Great post. Open and honest communication are important to a good relationship. A good reminder!
Very beautiful! Thanks for sharing :D
thanks for sharing this. something to stick on the refrigerator! :)
I know just the books for you. These are written with the author’s intention of letting the words sink into your very spirit. They are my two favorite and most cherished reads.
1) The Impersonal Life
Written by: Joseph S. Benner
http://www.amazon.com/Impersonal-Life-Joseph-Benner/dp/0875163017
2) The Prophet
Written by:Kahlil Gibron
http://www.amazon.com/Prophet-Kahlil-Gibran/dp/0394404289
@sulz
You are welcome little one. Happy blogging to you. :)
@theresa
Thanks for sharing the titles. I have not read the first one. The second one I have in my collection. It’s a fine book as is Sand and Foam by the same author. :)
Outstanding post… that’s the best thing I’ve read on relationships in a long time.
I so relate to this article. I think every couple should have a copy of this that they go back to if needed. It is a wonderful experience to be in a relationship where both people can grow and even help each other grow. Where they can be close (one) and yet also be individual. Be comfortable really sharing time together as well as sharing time apart. The most amazing things can happen in a relationship like that. Thanks TT. And thank you for your kind words. I was very touched. R
Wonderful. Sounds like the way adults should behave. Some day I hope to be one of those ;)
Very thought provoking, bf. I take in and breathe in harmony with about 90% of the credo, especially: “Your needs will be met, and so will mine – neither will lose, both will win.”
I’m having a bit of a struggle with “I will tell you openly and honestly how your behavior affects me, trusting that you respect my needs and feelings enough to try to change the behavior that is unacceptable to me.”
I tend to think that if someone’s behaviour is upsetting me that it’s a sign to look at my own expectations. I don’t expect someone to change—for me; or I for them, but change they may when we both are able to look at the needs behind our motivations.
I shall ponder this. A new perspective can bring much insight. Thank you.
@Muse
Thanks for coming by and for sharing that observation. I acknowledge the point you make. However, there are behaviors that may occur within a relationship such as drinking, gambling and cheating that may indeed have to change if the relationship is to survive. These are the ones I considered when looking at this credo.