Grief: Learning from a major loss in your life
2008 March 24
This winter I learned that coping with emotions associated with profound losses and learning from them is vital to my mental health. If you take a look at my sidebar you will see “Inspiration for Your Soul Meditation Experiences.” Under that title is a list of all the things I have been examining during this winter that for me has been characterized by loss, deep depression and grief.
It’s only natural to experience grief when someone you care deeply disappears without warning. I learned the best thing I could do was to allow myself to grieve.
Did You Know?
- You can postpone grief but you can’t avoid it,
- unresolved grief can evolve into physical ailments, pain, and stress,
- unresolved grief will re-emerge the next time someone you love dies,
- natural disasters that involve death can bring up feelings of grief,
- tapping into your creativity can help in your grief process,
- your conscious intentional approach to grief work will teach others to do the same,
- most grievers need help and support,
- grieving the loss of a loved one sometimes evokes concerns about our own deaths.
The experts advise that there are many ways to cope effectively with pain.
- Seek out caring people. Find relatives and friends who can understand your feelings of loss. Join support groups with others who are experiencing similar losses.
- Express your feelings. Tell others how you are feeling; it will help you to work through the grieving process.
- Take care of your health. Maintain regular contact with your family physician and be sure to eat well and get plenty of rest. Be aware of the danger of developing a dependence on medication or alcohol to deal with your grief.
- Accept that life is for the living. It takes effort to begin to live again in the present and not dwell on the past.
- Postpone major life changes. Try to hold off on making any major changes, such as moving, remarrying, changing jobs or having another child. You should give yourself time to adjust to your loss.
- Be patient. It can take months or even years to absorb a major loss and accept your changed life.
- Seek outside help when necessary If your grief seems like it is too much to bear, seek professional assistance to help work through your grief. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek help.
thank you for writing this post, i could of used this when my grandmother died a year ago, I probably still need it.
You’re welcome nightwriter. I believe that in many of our societies we have lost the wisdom of the ages and have replaced it with claptrap and cliches. In older and healthier times grieving was expected and supported. However, the birth of the industrial age marked the point when expediency entered the picture and replaced loving kindness. We must work no matter what.
For example: Telling someone to just “buck up and get on with their life” or “you should go back to work — it’ll be good for you,” after they have suffered a profound loss is heartless and damaging. Yet, we nod sagely when someone utters such claptrap to a grieving person though something wise and supportive has been uttered. Why is this?
In a word “fear”. We are always uncomfortable when we witness suffering. We are afraid that we will not have what it takes to be there to provide support to someone who is grieving. Moreover, discussion of another’s death causes us to re-examine our own lives and consider our own deaths. That too is discomforting.
All a grieving person needs is another person with a listening ear and an open heart and mind — a friend, who will encourage them to speak their truth and share what they are feeling. However, where the almighty dollar rules we are cheap with our time when it comes to providing the human basics. And, when fear raises it’s ugly head in a society where technology rules, it seems that we prefer to identify with the false emotions of actors and actresses on the soapbox screen, rather than being there for people around us who we know are hurting. So we counsel them to “get back to work”.
This winter when I was online and grieving I found other people who were suffering from losses too. Some were going through major life changes (relationship breakdowns and relocation) and others were suffering from grief associated with the death or disappearance of someone from their lives. I really don’t know what I would have done without them. I love them for the loving kindness they extended to me.
what you say is true, I know am lucky for my best friend, who was the only one who took time to talk to me about my grandmother when she died. If it wasn’t for her, I probably would have gone crazy with grief.
I’m so glad she was there for you. :-)
That’s a useful list, brightfeather.
Accept that life is for the living, and be patient.
Yep, that hits it, smack on.
Thanks Roads. After I experienced the first waves of pain and sorrow I became emotionally paralyzed, which is to say that I shut down my feelings. I hurt too much so I chose unconsciously to become numb. Then time passed and I entered a period where I did want to share my misery and I’m glad to say that I found others with the same need. We formed an unofficial “grief group” and sharing there became a source of returning strength and rebirth. I may not be healed as yet but I’m much more balanced now. We all get by with a little help from friends.
Nice post, brightfeather. So helpful for any struggling soul…
@psychscribe
Thanks for commenting. It’s so very hard to speak of these deeply personal life and death issues at all. It’s good to know that you feel that my sharing may be helpful to others.
Namaste
@Grief Support Groups
Thanks for your comment. I’m glad you found value in my post. If you choose to use the contents in writing of your own please note that I require that you identify me as the author and that you link back to this post.