I am just about to finish reading 365 days of Sensational Sex: Tantalizing Tips and Techniques to Keep the Fires Burning All Year Long by Lou Paget. I haven’t read Paget’s other three books but, based on reading just this one I can say with assurance that this author knows her subject.

I am a heterosexual woman and what the author has written genuinely and authentically reflects my own experience and mindset. While it’s true that some radical feminists ( primarily, lesbians) have attacked Paget and her books, I have chosen not provide links to those criticisms. To be clear I’m interested in receiving comments from readers who are also heterosexually orientated.

What’s in the book?

A Canadian currently living in Los Angeles, Paget gives ‘sexuality seminars’ on both sides of the pond and uses her knowledge to help couples who attend and readers of her four books. The first three were: a handbook for men entitled ‘How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure’ one for women called ‘How To Be a Great Lover’ and the orgasmic resource for couples, ‘The Big O’.

Book number four is unlike its predecessors. It’s not a handbook or instruction manual full of positions and techniques. It’s far more than a sex book - it’s a guide to a good lasting relationship and, as the cover suggests, it contains tips to keep the fires burning.

• Creating a sexual atmosphere in your relationship, from turning your bedroom into a sanctuary for sex to letting your partner know you find him or her irresistible and turning almost anyplace into a venue for a sexual encounter.
• The link between healthy relationships and a healthy sex life.
• Secrets and advice on maintaining an attitude toward sex that is open and curious and committed to passion-forever.
• A collection of Lou’s “classics”-her most popular techniques for hot foreplay, pleasing each other in various positions, and trying something new.
• The most popular types of sexual fantasies and how to ask for one you want.

Where is she coming from? What is great sex?
Many people assume that being a great lover is about learning tips on technique and giving their partners orgasms, but that is far from the truth. The ‘what goes where’ and ‘how to’ tips are merely the tip of the iceberg in a sensual and sexual relationship.

Lou Paget: It’s easy – in our performance orientated culture – to believe the myth that orgasm is the goal of sex, and that having sex is about achieving orgasms. And while all of us love the wonderful release and sensations of an orgasm, we can miss out on tremendous potential for sexual pleasure when we focus too much on bringing ourselves or our lovers to orgasm. So the next time you and your lover are fooling around, make a point of delaying or even resisting orgasm. As you treat yourselves to passionate touching, oral pleasures or the pleasures toys can bring, linger. Let yourselves truly enjoy all the sensations, letting them develop and come to a powerful fruition, or not at all – it’s your choice. By removing orgasm as a goal, you give yourself the ability to develop a keener sensitivity of all your sexual experience. And, with the increased build up, should you decide to let yourself release into orgasm, invariably it will be to expanded levels.

Defining great sex (or great romance, for that matter!) is personal and very connotative. There is no dictionary definition. But from what I’ve learned through my years of listening closely to people, great sex boils down to two factors.

First, great lovers possess an attitude toward sex that is open and curious, willing to learn something new about sex. Second, great lovers possess the know-how and the intention to keep the flames of passion alive.

To that end, here are some quick tips.

1. Know there is always more to know about sex.
2. Develop different styles of lovemaking.
3. Trust each other in and out of the bedroom.
4. Be brave enough to share your innermost fantasies.
5. Be gentle when airing a disappointment or hurt caused by your partner.
6. Be proud of each other.
7. Remember that the way you treat him or her at 8 a.m. impacts the way he or she treats you at 8 p.m.
8. Remember that just because it isn’t important to you doesn’t mean it isn’t important to her/him.
9. Speak to each other as you did when you first met.
10. Be tastefully jealous.
11. Be a great toucher.
12. Make your lover laugh.
13. Linger on the pleasures of foreplay.
14. Court your lover, forever.

Conclusion: I am an extremely sensual and romantic person with a rich fantasy and dream life. Like most middle aged people I thought I pretty much knew everything I needed to know about bodies and positions. I was looking for a book that went much deeper and I found it. What I gained most was personal validation, as well as, enough self confidence to ask and answer questions that I should have asked and answered years ago.

If you think you don’t know enough - read the book. If you think you know it all - read the book. You’ll be glad you did.

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