this time ~ this space

There isn’t a person on earth today that doesn’t want to be happy. But when we examine what happiness means to any individual, we discover that most of what people claim makes them feel happy falls into the category of “instant gratification” derived from “outer events”.

Some people are true believers that the quickest path to happiness is to buy it or to mold it by transforming their personal surroundings. They may have convinced themselves that if they buy a new Lexus SUV or move to a beach house on the coast, lasting happiness will follow. But these kinds of changes only for the short term, they eventually become part of your status quo and their power to deliver happiness fades away.

People are happy when they are “in control”, that is, when they feel competent to satisfy their needs and reach their goals — Happiness

These are characteristic of societies where people tend to be happy:

• wealth (measured by average purchasing power) -The correlation between purchasing power and happiness becomes less important for more wealthy societies, implying that once the basic material needs of nutrition and shelter are satisfied, further prosperity adds little to happiness.
• access to knowledge (measured by literacy, school enrolment and media attendance) - The component of cognitive competence.
• personal freedom - People are more satisfied in societies which minimally restrict their freedom of action, in other words, where they are in control rather than being controlled. This is again a form of material competence.
• equality - Social inequality implies less control for those who are in the weaker position, and more risks of losing their privileges for those in the stronger position.

On the individual level, the differences in happiness between people living in the same society depend on their situation and on their personal characteristics:

• health - Life-satisfaction tends to be larger among those that are in good physical and mental health. Inversely, happy people are much less likely to fall ill and die than unhappy people. This directly reflects the strong correlation between happiness and biological fitness.
• psychological characteristics - Happy people are characterized by the belief that they are able to control their situation, whereas unhappy people tend to believe that they are victims of fate. This reflects what we have called subjective competence. Happy people are also more psychologically resilient, assertive, empathetic and open to experience. These are all features which, according to our theory of self-actualization (Heylighen, 1992), accompany the perceived competence to satisfy needs.
• social position - Happiness is more common among those that have intimate ties (e.g. marriage) and that participate in various organizations. This reflects the degree to which people manage to satisfy their social needs, and get better control of their own situation by relying on the support of others. Occupationally, happiness tends to be more common among professionals and managers, that is, people who are in control of the work they do, rather than subservient to their bosses.
• life-events - Happiness is clearly correlated with the presence of favorable events (such as promotion, marriage, etc. ) and the absence of troubles or bad luck (such as accidents, being laid off, conflicts, etc.). These events on their own signal the success or failure to reach one’s goals, and therefore the control one has.

From an interview with Tenzin Gyastso the Dalai Lama

Paige Parvin, Emory Magazine: You’ve spoken a great deal about happiness on this visit. Do you believe that most people are happy, and why or why not?

Dalai Lama : Most people? I think human life is basically a mixture, so pain, pleasure. But then average, difficult to say. I think I prefer to say the majority of the human being are relatively happy. Otherwise, the majority of people would commit suicide. We usually see surprise for the high rate of suicide. We’re surprised. That means we don’t want that. So we see those people who did suicide, we see, quite foolish! Better alive.

So I think average person, I think is happy. But my point is, physical wellbeing, physical comfort, also important. However, it is wrong to look for happiness only in the terms of physical condition with material facility. That is wrong, I think. Material facility is very important, we need physical wellbeing, also important. But that’s not sufficient. We must take a more serious look at what our inner mental peace. There, our own mental attitude is very, very important factor. So, compassion, forgiveness, reconciliation. Now these mental factors are very, very important factors for peace of mind.

The physical world is always in a state of flux. At each moment a new thing is being created, sustained, changed, transformed and then destroyed. This is the normal state of affairs and no one can change it. If we attach ourselves to a certain state, we are bound to experience unhappiness sooner or later. No state remains as it is. These are the laws of nature. When circumstances change, and the changes are not to our liking, we experience unhappiness. On the other hand, if we exercise detachment, nothing can influence our moods. Then outer events have nothing to do with our inner joy and peace of mind. — Remez Sasson

The truth is that we do not need pleasurable circumstances and events to evoke happiness with us. Happiness is within us at all times. Just as soon as we make the decision to be happy, regardless of our circumstances, it manifests.

No person, thing or circumstance controls our response to that person, thing or circumstance. We choose our own responses. We have complete control over our state of mind and happiness is a decision that we make between our ears.

Related posts:
Self Confidence Boosters
Being Happy No Matter What