this time ~ this space

We live and we love and over the course of a life time, most people do experience the deep sadness or loss associated with “a broken heart”.

Love is like a puzzle. When you’re in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. — Author Unknown

Research has proven that what we feel and the way we think directly effects the health of our heart. Those suffering from “broken hearts” don’t just suffer emotionally, they suffer physically too. Without doubt feelings of depression, loneliness and sadness can lead to problems and heart disease is among them. At least one John Hopkins study has shown that people living under this pain can literally even die from a ‘broken heart’. So it’s important to ensure the pain doesn’t drag on longer than it has to.

Ernest Quansah in his article Relationship Breakup Demystified advises:

“When your relationship ends, you must do what needs to be done to forgive yourself and the other person. I know too many cases where people become so bitter that they form a negative opinion of the opposite sex. These feelings will then manifest themselves in conversation with friends. Soon friends begin to feel emotionally drained with all the negative talk and begin to avoid the person who is doing the negative talk. There are many cases where people take their bitter experience into a new relationship and end up losing that new lover because of their negative talk.

When your relationship fails, the most important thing to do is accept what has happened. Try to understand why it did not work out. Consider the consequences of what may happen to you emotionally if you resort to anger. Usually after a breakup, you may find yourself missing the other person and want to go back to them. It is very important to be strong, as you will almost certainly have feelings of wanting to return and reignite the relationship.

If your relationship breaks up, it can be because your soulmate is just around the corner and in order for you and your soulmate to connect, you must become single, thus allowing your soulmate to come into your life. A breakup can also mean that you have been hurt too many times in the relationship, taken advantage off, lied to, cheated on, and so forth, and that your soul cannot take it any more and needs to get away.

Forgive yourself and others. The power of forgiveness is one of the most powerful ways of achieving inner peace. Forgiveness will help you feel good about yourself. It will give you courage you thought you never had and lead you into the arms of your true mate.”

Take The Time You Need to Recover
My advice is that if you are suffering from a broken heart then above all, give yourself time. This type of healing can’t be rushed. If you want to restore the relationship, make sure that you figure out why it went wrong before you rush back into it.

Fortunately, there is truth in the old adage that whenever a door closes, a window opens somewhere else. Consider the lessons that you have learned - lessons you will not need to learn again and as time passes you will begin to see some positive signs on the horizon.

Dispel the Myths
Myth 1: There is only one soulmate for every one person in the world.
Reality: There are millions of potential soulmates for every person in the world.

Myth 2: Your heart will never fully recover.
Reality: It will.

Myth 3: You can’t fall in love with someone new if you’re already in a healthy and happy relationship.
Reality: Yes, you can. It may be true that you can only be “madly” in love with one person at any given time, but also in truth it is possible to be in love with two people at once.

Acknowledge, Plan and Act
As Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson states: As people, we are not aware all the time of our feelings, and just like animals, we may not be able to put words to them very easily. This certainly does not mean that the feelings do not exist.

1. Honour how you are feeling. This means that you should not pretend that you are ok, when you really aren’t. For many people having a broken heart is something that may not be recognized at first, as it takes time for an emotional or physical loss to be fully acknowledged.
2. Grieve. There is nothing wrong with crying. Do not to avoid this step. Do whatever you need to do to express yourself in this stage, so long as you don’t hurt anyone else.
3. Accept that you are responsible for your own healing, and take as much time as you need for yourself. Take action when you are inspired. Forgive people and recognize that we take in what we focus on.
4. Communicate with people that care about you. Make sure you share how you are feeling. Do not underestimate the support that these people can provide.
5. Exercise regularly and take care of your health. Often times during the period of having one’s heart broken, health may be neglected. If you aren’t careful, this can only make things worse.
6. One way to move through a broken heart is to spend a lot of time doing something you really love. If you keep yourself focused you will find yourself moving through the pain faster.

References
Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson, General McCarthy: When Elephants Weep: The Emotional Lives of Animals ISBN 0-385-31428-0
Study Suggests You Can Die of a Broken Heart. Washington Post (February 10, 2005). Retrieved on 2006-09-23.
“Broken Heart” Syndrome: Real, Potentially Deadly but Recovery Quick. Johns Hopkins Medicine (February 9, 2005). Retrieved on 2006-09-23.
Coping with Broken Hearts,2007, Vardhan Ranjay, Indian Publishers Distributors, Delhi, ISBN 81-7341-445-959.94.224.44 04:21, 25 September 2007 (UTC)

See Also: Broken Hearts in the Media