As you have observed all relationships are based on trust and when relationships are new they lack the foundation that we can rely on to support us in times when things go badly. That’s why I think coming to an agreement early on in the relationship about how to handle future conflict is a good idea.

Having a row is not ever a license to abuse or confuse or to attack the other communicator but we all have feet of clay. Hence when our communication partner has been hurt by our words we can’t always count on them to be mature in their responses. And as Britgirl as emphasized we must be prepared to cut them some slack – lots of slack.

Although cyber communication is laced with urgency I’ve learned that when (1) I’m offended or (2) when I have caused caused offense the best choice for me to make, in the first instance, is a simple “ouch that really hurt” followed by a time-out. In the second instance, when I know I have offended another, I will follow-up with an immediate clarification and where appropriate an apology. However, once one has clarified and apologized it can be very trying to remain patiently waiting for the other party to finish their time-out and to communicate again.

I can’t say that I know much at all about power struggles in relationships. I can only say that if I feel the other person is power tripping or putting me down I will speak up and if no correction is made then I will head for the hills.

Yes it’s true that everyone we meet is our mirror and I have often been saddened when I saw my own behaviour reflected back to me.

Namaste Root {she bows}

Next up is communication. Both parties need a mechanism for expressing stuff that makes them unhappy. They need to feel heard. In my experience, I think the final ingredient is that even the row is not or should not be a license for inappropriate, immature, or even frightening confusing behavior. People need a framework to explore misunderstandings and heal divisions quickly. But different people have different internal mechanisms and some work to different emotional timetables. After a bad thing I need a bit of space. But usually I bounce pretty well. :) I think some of this is acquired in either a positive or negative way by our formative years. Please do not get me started on how conflict was dealt with by my parents. But BF is right. It is a key ingredient to nurturing a relationship through the early stages. Unfortunately in many potential couples it disintegrates into a struggle for control and power. That can be the agenda in many arguments.

Finally in some ways the very process of getting to know new people can be difficult because it holds up a mirror to the self. Some people who become engaged in that process find out that what they see in themselves is not good. That can lead to introspection and sadness.

Just my 2 cents. But regular readers know this is not my er forté