Comments on: Relationships: Transformation and Commitment

By: brightfeather

brightfeather — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 03:45:33 +0000

Best wishes to you Nathan and thanks for taking the time to continue the dialog.

By: Nathan

Nathan — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 23:43:00 +0000

Thanks for the feedback.

Root, I agree, but unfortunately, that’s what we’ve got. Actually, most people, I think, meet their eventual partners through friends. I’m sure the internet is filling a void for meaningful conversation as we become more alienated from our communities due to mobility. I, for one, wish that some of the old cultural institutions that brought men and women together still existed. “Looking for it you never find it” is a fallacy. At some point, when you meet someone you like, you have to make a move, especially if you’re a guy. (Even in our egalitarian world, some facts of nature still exist, for the most part.)

My guess is I just have to keep going from one to the next until I meet one I feel like keeping around for the rest of my life. I suppose there’s some fun to be had in the search.

By: Root

Root — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 07:56:00 +0000

I certainly do think that the conventional model does not work very well as a mechanism for finding satisfying partners. By the conventional model I mean getting dressed up to the nines, over indulging on drugs and alchohol, and getting off on loud music :) Now while I love all that stuff I would not think it likely you would ever bump into a soul mate that way if that is what you wanted :) But call me old fashioned :)

By: brightfeather

brightfeather — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:22:07 +0000

Hmmm … that’s an interesting point. Granted that looking for a partner may not produce results. Granted that getting out more and living your life fully will bring you into contact with more potential partners. However, the cyber world provides another resource to locate potential partners and create a relationship based on mutual complementarity rather than on need.

Clearly Britgirl has succeeded in finding a loving partner online that complements her rather than “completing” her and so has Adam.

Last year I scoffed internet romance but this year I’m much wiser. I think the internet offers expanded opportunities for narrowing the field when it comes to finding a partner that will encourage and support individuality, independence and commitment within a loving relationship.

By: Root

Root — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 16:44:51 +0000

Most folks pretty much know. When it hits it hits. But looking for it you never find it. Heck I need to get out more:)

By: brightfeather

brightfeather — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 21:38:06 +0000

@nathan
You say: “Do I look for someone who enjoys the same activities? No, because I cannot expect them to be my partner in them.”

My husband and I both took up kayaking together. I loved the paddling and the closeness to nature. I hated getting out of the kayak underwater. This is a must to be able to do in case of trouble. I hated the thought of having to struggle out again so much I came near to developing a water phobia. I chose to leave kayaking and instead I took up hiking.

In our relationship we do not expect on each other to join in everything we do. We have some hobbies that we pursue alone. In other marriages I have seen disintegrate before my very eyes one or both partners insisted that they do everything together.

You indicate that your need a wife for two reasons sex and babies.

Neither sex nor babies are relationship requirements. They are optional. My husband and I agreed to remain childfree. We do not have sex for the purpose of procreation. And if we chose not to have sex at all we would still have a committed relationship.