The last thing our ailing planet needs is an increased population. “Family” in a blood relations sense is merely an extension of tribalism. Jesus rightly viewed every man and woman on earth as his family. In fact, when his own relatives tried to call him away from his ministry he rebuffed them and continued his loving and compassionate work with the “family of man”. So hearing the “sacrifice and love of family” spiel from a professed christian is mind-bending.

The so-called love being expressed by those couples who choose to parent can be attributed to the hormonal drive to reproduce which is common to all animals and plants. Moreover, if any human cannot feel perfect, whole and complete without producing offspring then the need to create little images of themselves amounts to an expression of “self-love” – plain and simple. Also their self-perceived “incompleteness” brings into question their ability to actually do a good job of parenting young.

IMO more profound expression of love for the planet and for the family of man, who all depend on her for life, would be to sacrifice the option of producing your own children and instead adopt and/or foster children, who have no or few prospects for a healthy, happy and productive future. That would give the adoptive parents an opportunity to raise a generation that viewed others, regardless of their skin colours, who their blood relatives may have been, and which countries of origin they may have come from to all be a part of “the family of man”.

Also, the trouble with self-proclaimed “living sacrifices” is that they keep crawling off the altar. Those who make the choice to parent also expect society to finance them. Given the fact that we live in times when the population explosion, the love of money and the things it can buy threatens to deplete the planet’s resources past the tipping point, rather than to ensure sustainability, why is it that educated couples, who choose to breed feel that they ought to be rewarded by others for their self-indulgence?

If all family allowances, income tax deductions and other childcare benefits provided by the state were eliminated then one could sing the sacrifice/love of family song. But under the current state of affairs, singing that old tune would mean running the risk of sounding like a braying ass.

It’s my experience that in many cases women alone make the decision when to become moms. Very often their husbands are not particularly agreeable to either becoming fathers at all or, they are not agreeable when it comes to the timimg.

Pari-menopause for most women I know began between the ages of 35 and 40. And I have witnessed pari-menopausal women who demand to start families when their husbands don’t really want kids and even in cases where both husband and wife previously agreed to remain child-free. Within my circle this has caused the break-up of several relationships either prior to pregnancy or after a child is born.

In some cases when issued the estrogen ultimatum the husbands consented to parenting although their hearts were not really in it. And believe me when I say the behaviours of some of these pari-menopausal women demading to become madonnas were deplorable.

Some even lied about using birth control and tricked their husbands into becoming fathers. Not surprisingly when it came to helping parent the husbands so treated frequently appeared to be shirking or running away from the responsibility. Next the women became harpies dissing their husbands and accusing them of being “deadbeat” dads. In the end, the women got the kids and child support and the men got a sullied reputations and bills to pay.

Not only that but in three cases I saw the courts award custody to unfit mothers, who were excellent office workers but who sucked when it came to parenting. Surprise! in these times when old women with desperation babies are being canonized by other moms, rather than awarding custody to loving fathers the courts were caught in a time warp.

All is not well in the world of families. And it’s time that we all came to realize that if both partners do not embrace the parenting choice and also agree on the timing when it comes to starting a family, then the likelihood of burnout for the individuals and even disintegration of the relationship increases exponentially.

Most couples we know made the choice to have children. Most also chose to have a full-time mom in the home, rather than a part-time mom juggling work and child rearing responsibilities at the same time.

During the years when their kids were very young, my girlfriends still struggled with burnout symptoms, even though their husbands did all they could to help relieve them of the responsibility and stress that comes with being a full-time mom. It wasn’t easy but they did succeed when it came to parenting. They raised some very remarkable and personable young people, who became an important part of our lives too.

Most of these kids are in highschool now and they are a credit to the parenting they received. Their mom’s have returned to the work force and the kids have proved to be capable and competent on the home front. They are expected to do some cooking, laundry, house and yard work and they deliver. They are polite, resilient, resourceful and very independent.

I’m so glad to hear that my latest post validated the choices you made. Thanks so much for commenting and for letting me know that it did. :)